My Dark Secret
I have a dark secret, one certain members of my family feel should never be admitted to. It’s just too embarrassing. Too pathetic. Too geeky. It marks me as a social misfit.
Because at first I didn’t know anyone else who shared my dark secret (other than the man who’s now my husband—but that’s another story), I figured they must be right. I indulged in private, never admitting to anyone what I was doing. And I’ll never forget the patronizing looks and snickers that came whenever I was caught.
You see, on weekdays, I’m a mild-mannered writer, working on grant proposals and magazine articles and correcting grammar. On weekends, however, I don my armor, draw my sword, and become a Draenei paladin named Micaah, slaying monsters in World of Warcraft.
For me, playing means stepping into a story. I customized Micaah from her race (species) and class (what she can do in the game) to her hair, skin, and face. (I think she looks a little like Halle Barry.) Each quest is unique, whether I’m dousing fires in a village, harvesting herbs to make medicine, or killing naga. The quest givers tell you why they’re sending you on this particular mission and what they’ll reward you with if you succeed. And the graphics are incredible.
The longer I played my game, the more I started to question why this particular pastime was less worthwhile than any other. Why should I be ashamed?
It wasn’t illegal, immoral, or otherwise harmful to me or anyone else. It’s less expensive than most sports. I can play with others, giving it a social aspect, or independently, allowing for much needed “alone time.”
And everyone needs a hobby.
A hobby, by definition, is an interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation. I could spend my time on something more acceptable. I could have played soccer or volleyball instead, but I don’t like sports and I find them stressful because I’m afraid of taking a ball to the face. Even if I played a sport, it couldn’t be called a hobby for me. I’m basically a hospital visit waiting to happen.
So I had to ask: Why should anyone be able to tell me that the hobby I enjoyed, that helped me relax, isn’t good enough? If I want to collect antique lunchboxes or learn to play the accordion, I should be able to do so without being afraid of what people will think.
A hobby that you’re forced into and don’t enjoy isn’t a hobby at all. Shouldn’t we each be able to choose the hobby that’s right for us?
What hobby do you hide? Do you collect coins/stamps/vintage toys? Play croquet? Are you a closet gamer like me? Why do you love your dark secret of a hobby?
Jan 12, 2012 @ 07:09:04
A friend of mine rewards herself with WoW after a hard day.
Jan 12, 2012 @ 14:35:44
It’s a great way to unwind 🙂
Jan 12, 2012 @ 08:35:57
when my son was a teenager we played pc based role playing games together. It was a wonderful way for us to spend time together and gave us a mutual goal. and since I didn’t like the fighting part and he did, it served a purpose – giving us each a part to play in solving the game that made us feel good.
Jan 12, 2012 @ 14:37:27
My husband and I have a couple of characters we play together, and when we do that, he plays the damage dealer and I play a healer. We really like the teamwork aspect 🙂
Jan 12, 2012 @ 08:56:31
*raises hand* I’m a closet gamer, but have been too scared to step into the world of WoW because I’m afraid I’ll have no boundaries. I’m obsessive about things and when I get an RPG game I basically live, eat and breathe the damn thing until I finish it. Then I go back to my regular life. I’ve actually walked toward a gaming store in the mall, feeling the pull of a new game, and had to force myself to turn around and walk away because I knew my life right at that moment couldn’t afford to get obsessed. I’ve gotten better– I used to turn down social engagements or been late to family gatherings because I had to keep playing… But, many a time I’d be playing and then hear the birdies begin to sing outside because I’d stayed up all night…
Jan 12, 2012 @ 14:47:39
That’s the one drawback to WoW. Because there’s no end game, you could technically play non-stop forever. I have to be really careful about when I play too because I can lose hours and not know where they went 🙂 I have the same problem with Sim games.
Jan 12, 2012 @ 09:08:39
I don’t think it’s that dark a secret – but I come from a family that loves gaming.
Jan 12, 2012 @ 14:38:19
Haha. What’s normal to one family is weird to another 🙂
Jan 12, 2012 @ 09:41:45
Yay! Another WoW addict! I always knew I wasn’t alone, given how many people I run into while in game :-). Still, it’s nice to have someone admit it besides me. My main is a blood elf Mage. *bows*. Although in game we can’t talk to each other, it’s nice to meet you.
And I agree, I get a lot of scornful looks about this hobby but I don’t see what makes it worse than watching TV or any other hobby really. It’s a modern hobby, that’s all. Back in the day, reading was looked down on too.
Plus, I saw an article online about how these role playing games help people learn the value of teamwork. See, life skills. I won’t even mention the cathartic release of killing a major boss and pretending it’s your real one 😉
Jan 12, 2012 @ 22:58:04
Haha. You must have been reading my mind. I have some posts coming up about life lessons from WoW 🙂
My husband plays a blood elf mage! He has alliance characters to play with me as well, but his main is horde because he found a great guild on the horde side.
We’ll have to settle for an in game bow, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone 🙂
Jan 12, 2012 @ 10:25:30
I never got into gaming but my little brother used to run D&D conventions and I loved tagging along with him and seeing the amazing creative souls participating. Guess my secret hobby is people watching 🙂
Jan 12, 2012 @ 22:59:23
People watching can be quite embarrassing if you get caught 😉
Jan 12, 2012 @ 10:30:24
Choose hobbies, yes! The more we deny our passions and interests, the less happy, productive, healthy and useful to others we become.
Any hobby can seem geeky… Take football watching, for example, one of the most popular hobbies around. To me it seems barbaric – a bunch of big dudes toppling over one another for the sake of a ball. But I respect the fact that others dig it—have even tried to like it myself. 😉
Your Warcraft hobby, on the other hand… Stories, imagination, heroism… Far less dorky. LOL Great post, Marcy. Play, play play!
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:06:12
Thanks 🙂 I don’t really understand the point of football either. I much prefer something with a storyline. But my husband is a huge fan, so I support him. I think you’ve hit on it exactly–if people don’t get a chance to take part in a hobby they enjoy, they’re more likely to burn out and have less to give to others.
Jan 12, 2012 @ 10:42:45
Hey, I can’t think of a better hobby for a writer. Keeps the old brain oiled. Rock on sister slayer.
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:06:29
Thanks!!
Jan 12, 2012 @ 11:30:49
Well, I already told you that I’d be a total WoW junkie if not for my husband forbidding me from playing it. I’d become like Penny on Big Bang ~ unshowered, eating Bugles all day, neglecting the family and house for more game time. It wouldn’t be a hobby for me, it would be a full-blown addiction. I just look at your avatar and get all tingly at the thought of what I could do in game!
My husband works in the gaming industry, so video games are a huge part of our lives, which probably helps in the finding other hobbies area ~ we’re all so involved in gaming that it’s nice to step away to other activities. Still… your character looks awesome. I want one.
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:09:29
Thanks 🙂 I think she’s awesome.
You’ve just answered one question I’ve had–what do people in the gaming business do for fun? I imagine it’s much like writers. While we love to write (our job) and we love to read (a hobby related to our job), we also need to be able to step away into other hobbies.
Jan 12, 2012 @ 12:07:09
Video games have such a bad rap. I think much of that is because some people let them take over their lives, to the point of spending no time with family or other responsibilities. But there is a lot of good in gaming too, as you and others have mentioned. My daughter loves to tell people she learned to read playing Pokemon. It’s true. I got a GameBoy when she was four, and we sat on the couch together and played that thing for a whole weekend, with me reading the text to her. After a couple days, she could read a lot of it herself, and not just the repetitive notes. I have friends (a married couple) who spent little time together before they got into WoW. She’d read on the first floor, while he’d be in the basement watching TV. But now they sit in the same room, each on their own computer, and discuss their quests as they play. She says nothing has helped her marriage like WoW!
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:12:07
That’s so cool that your daughter learned to read from Pokemon. Video games/online games do get a bad rap, but when they’re handled responsibly (not unlike alcohol or sweets), they can actually provide some benefits. Everything in moderation.
Jan 12, 2012 @ 12:31:01
I once had a Sims addiction, i mean hobby. But it’s been awhile, I probably need to find something a little more active than TV. 🙂
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:13:19
I love the Sims 🙂 I’ve been drooling over Sims Medieval for a while now, and even considered adding it to my Christmas list, but I exercised some self-restraint. I know I don’t have time for another game right now.
Fire At Warp 10 (January 12) | Marcy Kennedy & Lisa Hall-Wilson
Jan 12, 2012 @ 12:46:08
[…] My Dark Secret – I have a dark secret, one certain members of my family feel should never be admitted to. It’s just too embarrassing. Too pathetic. Too geeky. It marks me as a social misfit. […]
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Jan 12, 2012 @ 16:29:57
We should each be allowed to choose our hobbies without anyone giving an opinion on said hobby. It’s like choice of reading material, it is unique to each person.
Come out of the closet, Marcy. Oh, I mean, stay out of the closet, Marcy! 🙂
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:13:39
Haha 🙂 Guess there’s no hiding it now 😉
Jan 12, 2012 @ 19:19:18
Ew Alliance side! I mean, great post. As an ex-WoW player I understand keeping your gaming habits a dirty little secret, since people who aren’t gamers really don’t understand people who are gamers.
Though I still think you should come to the dark side and play SW:TOR with me.
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:14:33
If we ever fall prey to the charms of the dark side, TOR will be where we head. Do they have servers the way WoW does? If so, I’ll have to check which one you’re on before creating any characters.
Jan 14, 2012 @ 21:31:23
Yup servers like WoW has, PVE, PVP and RP. I play on RP server for a variety of reasons. So if you come to the dark side poke we and I’ll let you know what server to play on.
Jan 12, 2012 @ 20:57:47
Considering I’m pretty openly geeky on my blog, it’s hard to have a secret nerdiness.
I will admit: I LOVE independently published table top role playing games. There are so many great systems and settings out there, I can’t justify sticking to just D&D!
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:17:15
I don’t think my geekiness is too much of a secret anymore either–at least not since launching this blog 🙂
Jan 12, 2012 @ 21:58:49
I agree with you, no one can say you shouldn’t be playing video games. But, please don’t ask me to play with you! That is the problem I always have with guys who like video games. They can’t understand that other people don’t like them. They actually make me dizzy and want to throw up. I don’t do roller coasters either. And, I do see video games being a problem with kids. They choose them over playing outside, getting exercise, reading, and interacting with their family. But you are an adult. That’s the difference.
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:21:20
Agreed. Whenever my husband and I have kids, they’ll have TV and video game limits. I have great childhood memories of playing Mario Bros. with my dad, but I also have great memories of bike riding and swimming and skating with my parents. I think that activity contributed not only to my desire to live a healthy, active life, but also to developing my creativity. And it taught me self-control 🙂
Jan 13, 2012 @ 02:23:55
Yay, another WoW addict! My last boyfriend got me hooked as a way for us to keep in contact during our long-distance relationship, but I don’t think he counted on the fact that I’d be way more into playing than he was!
I ended up getting an Xbox, which has taken up all of my WoW playing time, but every so often I get an email from Blizzard asking me to come back… and when I can rustle up the $15 monthly fee, I just might do that. I am missing my blood elf hunter, and her awesome pet bear. 😛
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:23:47
That’s why my husband and I got started! (Post on that to come.) I’m glad my parents don’t share the bias against video games because they’re the reason my husband and I can play right now. They give us our memberships for Christmas. If you ever start up again, let me know. Maybe we’re on the same server.
Jan 13, 2012 @ 11:49:46
I love that your character looks like Halle Berry! I’m not a gamer, but I can see where it would fire up the creative side and help your writing. Have fun!
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:24:01
Thanks 🙂
Jan 13, 2012 @ 13:01:29
Easy: D&D in college–and after college.
Most recently: Oblivion.
Next: Skyrim.
I’m very, very afraid of WoW. If I enter, I might not leave. Ever.
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:25:02
It can suck you in a little like a black hole of no return. But it’s a really fun and pretty black hole 😉
Jan 13, 2012 @ 15:02:58
I had to think hard on this one, and I still don’t think I have any closeted hobbies. I’m kind of ashamed about this; I should have some deep dark pleasure, right?
I used to try and hide things, but then I just decided to let it go and be myself. If people don’t like me for me, then I don’t need them. That’s been my philosophy since going out on my own.
I do still try and hide how much of an OCD freak I am, but at the same time – my nearest and dearest know all about how crazy I am. LOL
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:26:18
I actually think you’re the brave one. It’s taken me years to just be comfortable being me (and I’m still working on it) 🙂
Jan 13, 2012 @ 15:13:54
I never made a point of hiding my passion for WoW because it’s an awesome game. There are some folks who let it rule their lives but all the good people I met during my travels around Azeroth and beyond, almost all of them had jobs and families etc, and managed their online hobby time very well.
Some people still look at online gamers as geeks and weirdo’s but I’d much rather spend time with people from all over the world, coming together to help overcome the odds and win that lovely loot than sit in front of the TV, silent, dead eyed and lonely for the evening! And let’s face it, loads of people might claim they play the violin, do gardening, read, paint, knit, juggle and so on, but sooner or later they end up staring at the TV!
Oh, and then they complain about it! Not me. I use my Druid healing powers to save my friends from terrible beasties!
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:32:42
The only time my husband and I have run into people who don’t seem to understand that real life is more important than the game are the harder core raiding guilds. My husband is in a raiding guild right now that he really enjoys. They’re able to down fresh content, and they’re nice people, no drama, and all of them have lives and jobs and families, just as you said.
I’m hoping that as more people have their preconceptions about games like WoW challenged, they’ll see it’s much different from what they think.
Jan 13, 2012 @ 17:27:40
You are not alone! I haven’t had much time to play this past year, but now that FE is done I’ll be on more! I might have to make a toon on your server 🙂
Jan 13, 2012 @ 22:27:40
Any time! I’ve also been short on time to play this past year because of the novel Lisa and I have been pouring all our stolen minutes into, but I’m looking forward to getting some more playing time now that it’s nearing completion.