Do You Believe In Second Chances?
Long after I finished reading the books and watching the movies, the character from the Lord of the Rings trilogy I couldn’t stop thinking about wasn’t any of the plucky hobbits, Viggo Mortensen’s ruggedly handsome Aragorn, or Gandolf with his words of wisdom.
It was Gollum.
Born a hobbit-like creature named Sméagol, Gollum wasn’t always the shriveled, conniving wretch we meet in Lord of the Rings. It wasn’t until Sméagol was in his thirties that Sméagol’s friend Déagol found the powerful ring that Frodo and the Fellowship of the Ring would later seek to destroy. Overcome by lust for the ring, Sméagol killed Déagol and took it for himself.
The ring prolonged Sméagol’s life, but began to corrupt him until his family finally cast him out. From that point on, he lived alone in the dark caves of the Misty Mountains, eating raw fish. Déagol’s death haunted him.
When Frodo learned about Gollum, he said, “What a pity that Bilbo did not stab that vile creature, when he had a chance!” (Fellowship of the Ring, pg. 78).
“Pity!” Gandalf answered. “It was Pity that stayed his hand.”
Gandalf believed that everyone deserves a second chance—a chance at redemption. He went on to tell Frodo that even Gollum wasn’t wholly ruined: “I have not much hope that Gollum can be cured before he dies, but there is a chance of it…My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before the end; and when that comes, the pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many” (79).
Gandalf’s words stuck with Frodo.
Later, when Frodo showed him kindness, the Sméagol side of Gollum’s personality found the strength to fight against the Gollum side. What good was left in him tried to drive out the evil. Frodo’s kindness gave him a second chance.
Sam couldn’t see it. He couldn’t see past the disgusting parts of Gollum to take into account what he’d been through—isolation, torture in Mordor, the clutches of a ring that ruined all who carried it. He refused to try to see what Gollum might become if given a second chance.
When I first met Lynn* in elementary school, all I saw was a girl who disliked me for no reason. She told others’ secrets as soon as she found them out, seemed to take pleasure in embarrassing me in particular, and acted like she thought she was better than the other students. I found her annoying and wanted nothing to do with her.
When I should have been Frodo, I was Sam.
I didn’t bother to find out that Lynn was abused, had trouble reading, and, as we reached high school, struggled with an eating disorder, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
When she disappeared, I didn’t even notice. I cared as little for her as Sam did for Gollum, and would have gladly left her behind in my past. When she came back during our senior year of high school, she wanted to be my friend.
Second chances are tricky things. You could get your finger bitten off the way Frodo eventually did. Every second chance comes with another opportunity to experience the pain you did the first time.
I was hesitant, skeptical. But, to borrow from Gandalf, my heart told me that she still might have a role to play in my life.
Years later, Lynn and I stood up in each other’s weddings. Her children call me Aunt Marcy. We joke now about back when we didn’t like each other and talk about who disliked whom most. And we laugh.
But if I hadn’t given her a second chance, I would have missed the trips we’ve taken, times we’ve cried on each other’s shoulders, good advice exchanged, secrets shared (and kept). I would have missed out on knowing a woman who’s now one of my dearest friends.
For me, the chance to get exactly what I did was worth the risk of giving her that second chance.
Has there ever been a time you decided to give someone a second chance and were glad you did? Do you believe in second chances?
*Lynn isn’t her real name. I’ve changed it to protect her privacy.
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Mar 01, 2012 @ 07:34:43
This was really beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I loved the comparison between LotR and your own life. I’m really happy you and “Lynn” got to be friends in the end. 🙂
Mar 01, 2012 @ 11:02:48
Thanks, Karen 🙂 So am I.
Mar 01, 2012 @ 08:04:19
Wonderful post Marcy! So touching and raw. I loved how you tied everything together.
I do believe in second chances and like you, I’ve seen many second chances turn out wonderfully. I say we rarely have little to lose and so much to gain so why not?!?! Not only that, but I’ve had a lot of people in my life give me second chances that enabled me to grow in confidence and in self…
Mar 01, 2012 @ 11:04:49
That’s it precisely. I feel like if I deny others a second chance, then how could I ask others to give me a second chance when I need it.
And there’s a difference between giving people a second chance and becoming a doormat. Chances don’t have to be infinite. But second chances…I think there’s a lot of value there in giving people a chance to change.
Mar 01, 2012 @ 10:29:22
Gorgeous post, Marcy. I have chills!
I certainly do believe in second chances. I had a falling out with a close friend years ago over, I’m embarrassed to say, a GUY. After he and I broke up, he started reaching out to her continually, namely to say horrible things about me. I didn’t discover this until years later when we connected through Facebook. She told me that even though we weren’t close any longer, her loyalty was with me. She refused to “play his game.” 😉
Mar 01, 2012 @ 11:09:37
Thanks 🙂 I hope you two were able to rebuild your friendship. A guy has come between more than one friendship unfortunately, but it sounds like loyalty won out in the end in your case.
Mar 01, 2012 @ 10:48:53
Beautifully written.
I know you’re a fan of the underdog…me not as much.
I’m a fan of second chances, have enjoyed many myself – but am reluctant to pass them out too freely without seeing any change. Life has reaffirmed over and over that many people will stomp on you again and again.
Frodo was appalled by Gollum at first, and only felt pity once the ring began to take control of his own life, his own thoughts and desires. He clung to the slim hope that Gollum was redeemable, because he needed to believe that of himself. But some people haven’t changed, don’t want to change.
If we’re talking second chances I’d rather point to Sam going back for Frodo even after Frodo sent him away to follow Gollum. Because “Frodo wouldn’t have gotten very far without Sam.”
Mar 01, 2012 @ 11:02:22
I think that’s part of why I so strongly believe in second chances. Frodo clung to the slim hope that Gollum was redeemable because he needed to believe that of himself. I hold on to the hope that others will validate the second chance I give them because I know how many times I’ve needed a second chance but wasn’t sure I would live up to the hope placed in me. And sometimes a second chance (both given and received) has changed my life dramatically for the better 🙂
The example of Sam is a good one. LOTR is full of second chances. Aragorn redeeming his family by proving he wasn’t like Isildur. Boromir trying to take the ring from Frodo but then sacrificing his own life so that Frodo could escape.
Mar 01, 2012 @ 13:36:59
What a beautiful story! Thanks for sharing.
Mar 01, 2012 @ 14:23:24
What a lovely story and great way to parllel it with something you love, science fiction! That trilogy was so good. I’m not usually a fantasy/science fiction fan, but I did love those movies.
Second chances can be tricky, espeically in affairs of the heart. I’m so glad you gave Lynn a shot.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
Mar 01, 2012 @ 16:24:59
I am a big fan of forgiveness and second chances. Well if we consider the golden rule here,in turn I would hope that someone would be willing to forgive me also. It takes guts to be forgiving, but most times we gain the best friendships this way. 🙂
Mar 01, 2012 @ 18:09:46
What a lovely story, Marcy. I totally believe in second chances, third sometimes too. But never a fourth. I have to draw the line somewhere. How cool that you two were able to forgive each other and move on to a great friendship. I love this post.
Mar 01, 2012 @ 19:26:44
thanks for sharing with such honesty Marcy. this is a lovely story. I believe in second chances, but I’m also clear that some people never change. so I have to be wise in deciding who and when.
great post. thx
Mar 02, 2012 @ 00:22:47
Beautifully written and tied together Marcy. I do believe in second chances. I tend to draw the line after that though, as I have had those second chances go drastically wrong on me. I’m not fool enough to make that mistake for the third time. But I care enough to give it a try at least once. We all make mistakes. Each one should be looked at on an individual basis. Sometimes people need a third, fourth, even and tenth chance. Sometimes they don’t deserve one at all. It depends on them. I tend to follow my gut.
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Mar 02, 2012 @ 18:24:15
Beautiful post, Marcy. Second chances can be miraculous and wonderful. I’m glad you’ve had so many successful second chances. I’ve had some second chances that have allowed me tremendous growth as a person. And I believe in offering second chances. But the danger of second chances is that more than a finger can be mangled. As many others have said, some people will not change no matter how much you hope they will. Sometimes you think you’re comparing apples to apples but have an apple and a porcupine!
Mar 02, 2012 @ 20:25:28
I had a discussion on Facebook about that very thing. There are some situations in which I wouldn’t recommend even a second chance. The example I gave was a wife who’d been beaten by her husband. I don’t think she should return to her abuser. But most of us don’t find ourselves in those extreme situations. For most of us, the offenses are smaller, wounding our pride more than anything. The trick is to exercise equal parts wisdom and mercy so we know which situation we’re in.
Mar 03, 2012 @ 14:33:01
What a great analogy. Second chances are a beautiful thing. And most of us deserve them 🙂 I’m very much a ‘three strikes and you’re out’ kind of person as long as life and limb are not at risk. Wonderful post!
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