Would You Change Anything About Your Past?
Sometimes I wish I had the power to turn people to stone.
Or into a tree like Daphne, when she was pursued by Apollo.
The great warrior Apollo mocked Eros (the Greek god of love) for handling a bow and arrows. “What have you to do with warlike weapons, boy?” Apollo asked. “Leave them for hands worthy of them.”
Angered, Eros drew two arrows—one of gold that would make the victim fall in love with the next person they saw, and one of lead that would instead inspire hatred. Eros shot Apollo with the golden arrow and the beautiful nymph Daphne with the lead arrow.
Apollo fell madly in love with Daphne, and she fled from him in fear and disgust. Apollo chased her.
But more than just her hatred of Apollo spurred Daphne to run as fast as she could. Throughout her life, Daphne chose to explore the woods over giving in to the advances of the many men who wanted her. She longed to guard her virginity and stay unmarried like Apollo’s sister had.
She stood to lose everything if Apollo caught her. And he was gaining on her.
Daphne called out to her father for help, and he turned her into a bay laurel tree. Her skin changed to bark and her hair into leaves, and her arms sprouted out into branches.
Daphne was safe from Apollo and from all the other potential lovers who might have stolen her virginity against her will.
That’s the power I wish I had. To turn people into something else so I could protect them from hurt and from harm.
Lately people all around me seem to be hurting. They’ve lost their job or can’t get the job they’ve always wanted. Their children are sick, or their marriages are ending. My grandparents are struggling to adjust to losing their independence and having to leave their home. My former neighbor’s son died in a head-on collision a week before his wedding.
It’s difficult to see so many people in pain.
And yet, I wonder. If I could protect them all from anything that would harm them, would that actually be for the best?
Daphne was safe, but she was also stuck as a tree forever. She couldn’t explore the woods anymore or take part in the woodland sports she loved. She couldn’t grow as a person. She couldn’t change her mind about what she wanted from her life.
Was safety worth what she lost to gain it?
What if the trials and the pain are what turns us into the people we’re supposed to be and gets us to the place we need to be?
Blogger and fantasy writer Tameri Etherton recently wrote a beautiful post about how her failed marriage in England and the guy in a band who broke her heart and stole her sunglasses taught her to love unconditionally and made her able to appreciate her now-husband when he finally came along. She ended the post by saying, “Sometimes people ask if I’d like to go back and change anything in my life. I would be afraid to do that. If I changed one thing, then maybe I wouldn’t be where I am right now.”
I’d be afraid too. When I look back on my life and my husband’s life, I can see how each disaster actually brought us one step closer together and made us better people.
I’m more resilient and more hopeful than I was. I’m more merciful. I think I’m also more patient and determined. And I’m doing what I love for a living.
When I look at the challenges we’re still facing and the challenges people we care about are facing, I can’t help but think one day we’ll look back on them, too, and be unwilling to change a thing because of the place they brought us to.
Do you think we get something from enduring trials that we couldn’t get from a perfect life? Would you do back in time and change anything if you could?
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Photo Credit: Debra Kristi on WANA Commons
Jun 25, 2012 @ 09:33:02
Poignant post, Marcy. I always say that yes, I would. I would have chosen a different major in college and embarked down a different career path. But who knows if I would be where I am today. I’d like to say I would go back in the past, save my brothers and prevent my mom from getting diabetes, but we aren’t superheroes. Things happen that are out of our control. Accepting that is the hard part.
Take care!
Stacy
Jun 25, 2012 @ 11:32:09
I’ve thought the same thing before about the death of my best friend years ago (she was killed by a drunk driver). But in the years that have followed, I’ve had the privilege of also seeing the positive effects that sprouted out of losing her so early. If I went back and saved her, I’d be taking things–really big life changing, essential things–away from so many other people. I don’t know that I could make that call because I can’t see all the ripples.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 09:50:15
Lovely post, Marcy. It’s tough when those around us are in pain and we can’t heal them or make it all better. Your love and compassion will go a long way toward their healing. Even if they don’t recognize it now (or ever), it does help. Thank you so much for the sweet mention. As you know, I wouldn’t change anything. When I feel too constrained by life, that’s when I sit down and create all the changes I might have made, except I call it fiction and give my characters purpose. I’ve relived many scenes from my past through stories and they never end up how I think they will. So yeah, I’m happy I made all those mistakes and am where I’m at now. Like you, I often wonder if Daphne was content being a tree. For some reason I think she was.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 11:36:37
Your post was absolutely beautiful. I actually had this particular post drafted before I read yours, and I had to go back and make room to mention it because I felt like you said it better than I could.
I fight a lot of old battles (and new ones) in the pages of my fiction as well. I also work a lot of my fears out that way too. I think that gives our words a lot of truth and power 🙂
Jun 25, 2012 @ 10:26:44
Such an insightful post, Marcy. I can relate to that feeling—wishing we had a magic wand to fix people’s problems, and wondering whether that would be wise.
Looking back on my life, every challenge has served me well in some way. And in general, the bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward. I keep this in mind while enduring hardship. The attitude alone, believing good will come, can help ensure a positive outcome. Sometimes things happen for a reason, IMO, and sometimes it’s up to us to give them reason.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 11:37:56
“Sometimes it’s up to us to give them a reason.”
That gave me a shiver because of how true it is. Sometimes we can’t control what happens to us, but we can always control ourselves, how we react, and what we do with what’s happened to us. We have a choice.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 10:48:56
If I had to go back I would make the same decisions – but I didn’t sign up for a lot of what I’ve endured. I don’t see a lot of meaning in it yet – but I can choose to let the hardships defeat me, or strengthen me.
That said, while I feel sympathy for other’s pain, I don’t take it on as my own either.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 11:40:32
If you hadn’t gone through everything that you have, would you still crusade for the little guy in your writing? Would you be able to help people in the same way? Perhaps the purpose is in sharing your story and being able to share other’s stories with the kind of compassion that comes from knowing. I think you underestimate yourself, and the effect that sharing those stories can have.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 11:03:42
Wonderful post to reflect, Marcy.
I’ve had many stumbling blocks and many roads taken that normal folks dont do. For a time I compared myself to my “normal” friends who did what they were supposed to do at the right time. Go right to college, finish in 4 years, get married, have kids, upgrade to bigger house, etc etc. Now I know I would NOT change a thing. Every road, every mistake has gotten me to where I am now – and I love “now”.
I have the urge to protect my son from pain – but I know he needs to feel pain, to have his heartbroken, to feel a deep loss. It’s the only way he will be able to truly love, learn, be a compassionate person and become stronger in life. That’s what pain can do.
Lovely post, Marcy! And on another note, watching others suffer is truly horrible. When I watched my mom fade away from cancer, it struck me. I think their suffering is a gift to us – because as they suffer we WANT them to pass, we want their suffering gone and thru that acceptance we can let them go and its OK.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 11:44:39
You brought tears to my eyes because I’d never thought about other’s suffering in that particular way before. It made me think back to when my best friend was hit by a drunk driver. She never came out of her coma, so she wasn’t suffering that we know of, but the doctor’s did say that because of the brain damage she suffered, she never would have been the person we knew again, even if she had survived. In a lot of ways, that did make it easier to let her go. She was so smart and so active. If she’d survived but had been confined to a bed on life support, awake but without any real understanding of what was happening around her, that’s not a life I would have wished on her.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 13:05:03
Wonderful post, Marcy. When I consider my life’s past, the biggest things that changed my direction happened to me – often before I knew any better. I cannot tell what my life would have been had those events not happened. Choices of my own? I don’t think I’d change much, if anything. I’ve learned that good always comes out of everything, in time. It’s not good that my sister died in a car accident at 15, but I’ve learned to cope without her as my main support and best friend. And that has allowed other rich relationships to develop.
lots to think about here. thanks
Jun 25, 2012 @ 15:04:09
Beautiful post! And I loved the tie-in to Apollo and Daphne 🙂 I do wonder sometimes if I was given the chance would I go back and “fix” things? But then, just like you said, maybe I wouldn’t be fixing them at all. So instead I try to be content with life, and learn my lessons from it.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 15:26:56
Marcy!
What a creative way to ask existential questions! I think what you’re essentially asking is do the struggles in our lives make us who we are today? If my struggles are meaningful & define who I am today, then struggles/suffering/hard roads are not only important in our lives, they add meaning & are necessary for life. But if life’s struggles do not make us who we are, that we are somehow preordained as a being to be a specific person regardless of what we go through in life, then struggles/hardships have no inherent value & thus are not necessary.
But then why do we struggle? Wy do we experience suffering & see suffering in the world? Why do we go through “these enduring trials?” Based on my own experiences, struggles, suffering, trials, I believe that these trials are part of the experiences that form me into the person who I am today. The second aspect that affects my current existence is my responses & reactions to these experience of trials (my trials & others). There are additional factors: support system, my personality traits, geography, social class, etc.
Based on my answer to the first question, which is there is value to hardships for my becoming, then I would not change any experience about myself. If I like who I am today, to go back in time & change something would create a different “me.” Even if I didn’t like who I am now, how would I know if I would like the new “me” better (as a result of changing something in my past).
Jun 25, 2012 @ 19:43:00
I agree, all the hardships made me who I am today. Who I am comes with its own set of challenges and baggage, but they’re mine, and I don’t think I’d want to trade them for something else, which could end up being worse.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 22:24:33
You always write such great posts, Marcy. You’ve outdone yourself. This is spot on.
Jun 25, 2012 @ 23:34:57
Wouldn’t change a thing. Every step has been a lesson, has shaped me into who I am today. I like me, I’m happy with who I am on the inside. A truly excellent post, Marcy; well-written, touching and insightful.
Jun 27, 2012 @ 06:46:21
Beautiful post, Marcy. You’re asking really deep questions and I loved the introduction story of Daphne and Apollo.
I wish I had gotten started with my studies and writing much earlier. But it took me a lot of trial and errors to find what I really enjoy. And most importantly, to gain the self-confidence to strive for my dreams. I propably wouldn’t pursue writing if I had settled down to a different path before.
Jun 28, 2012 @ 16:12:43
I don’t know that I’d have changed very much. To alter one thing would alter everything and I am very blessed at this point in my life.
Did the road to get here suck ALOT? Yep. But the good points kept me going, and the bad points gave me what I needed.
Jul 02, 2012 @ 17:57:16
Very thought-provoking post, Marcy. Would I change anything? Who knows?
‘If I’d known then what I know now,’how different my life would be.’ We all think that from time to time. But would it be different in a better way? I think we do become better people as we wade through the unpleasant things life throws at us. And I think learning to deal with them makes us better people.
It’s the life and death things that I’d have trouble NOT changing…if a time machine was ever invented and I could go back. I’d probably be the idiot who screwed up the space/time continuum, resulting in the universe imploding. 🙂
Jul 03, 2012 @ 01:07:47
I feel for you, Marcy, with all the people in your life that are hurting. Seems I’ve had so many in my life lately, and I’m constantly praying.
I’ve found that in many instances things have to get worse before they get better. It’s a painful process, but if it brings resolution and peace, then it’s worth it. I’ve also learned that joy and sorrow go hand in hand throughout life’s journey.
I love that song. It was my oldest daughter’s and her husband’s song for their wedding. Both had gone through a divorce. Such a beautiful song.