Are You Brave Enough to Take Responsibility for Your Actions?
Are you Brave enough to take responsibility for your actions?
Set in the Scottish Highlands during the 10th century, Brave is the story of Merida, daughter of King Fergus of Clan DunBroch. Merida’s mother wants her to be a proper lady and marry one of her father’s allies, while Merida wants to shoot her bow and ride her horse. She wants her freedom.
While running away from the three firstborn sons who’ve come to compete in Highland games for her hand, Merida ends up in a Stonehenge-like stone circle. A path of will-o’-the-wisps appears, and Merida chases after them. They lead her to a witch’s cabin.
Merida promises to buy all the witch’s carvings, plus give her a silver necklace in exchange for one thing—a spell to change her mother. “I want a spell to change my mum,” Merida says. “That will change my fate.”
Merida blames her mother for all that appears to be wrong with her life, but doesn’t give her mother any credit for the good things she has.
After Merida’s mother eats the magical cake and turns into a bear, Merida refuses to take responsibility.
“It’s not my fault!” she exclaims. “I didn’t ask her to change you into a bear. I just wanted her to change…you.”
Merida blames the witch for changing her mother in the same way that she blamed her mother for the things she didn’t like about her life. Merida and her mother return to the witch’s cabin, but the witch is gone. She left a message for Merida, though, telling her to “mend the bond torn by pride” before the second sunrise if she wants her mother to change back.
Merida thinks this means the tapestry she sliced with a sword earlier in the movie. She manages to sew up the tapestry and throw it over her mother just in time.
But it doesn’t work.
Her mother doesn’t change back until Merida apologizes. What Merida finally realizes is that the freedom to choose her own path also comes with the necessity of taking responsibility for her actions.
Our past, our families, the things that happen to us through our lives influence us, but in the end, the responsibility for how we live is ours.
Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will – his personal responsibility.” – Albert Einstein
It’s not only in the big things where we love to shove responsibility onto someone else.
When we get a speeding ticket and blame the police officer, wasn’t it actually our fault for speeding in the first place?
When we forget to do something our spouse asked us to, and blame them because they didn’t remind us, wasn’t it actually our fault for not paying better attention?
Failure to take responsibility holds us back the same way it held back Merida from having a good relationship with her mother. Until we can accept responsibility for our shortcomings and failures, we can’t fix them.
When do you find it most difficult to take responsibility? Is it in the big things…or the little ones? Do you think it’s human nature to put the responsibility on others rather than accepting it for ourselves?
Jul 23, 2012 @ 13:27:57
What a wonderful post, and so needed.
Many years ago I swore an oath to take full responsibility for my life, good, bad, or indifferent for it is built of my decisions and reactions.
Once I began to accept this and take full ownership of my life I found myself being much more careful of the things I say and do.
Now? I can honestly say, life is good and I made it this way.
Jul 23, 2012 @ 13:56:54
I really enjoy hearing about how you made these mistakes and then managed to make your life better. It’s so encouraging 🙂
Jul 23, 2012 @ 13:44:16
I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I think that’s a wonderful message to teach children. I know I’ve often had problems with being responsible (um, that bit about your spouse asking your to do something and you forget? Me. All The Time. He’s started to call the fridge the “forgetty box” because I always forget to cook the rest of the perishables when he leaves for work trips :P). For me the little things are harder to take responsibility for, because I often forget about them.
Jul 23, 2012 @ 13:56:05
My big one is “I’m doing my best.” While it’s true that I am doing the best I can to get everything done, I find that sometimes that’s just me not taking responsibility. I knew not everything would get done, and I made a choice about what to do and what to leave.
Jul 23, 2012 @ 14:18:28
Great post!
The very earliest story (ever!) shows how we as humans love to shove blame onto someone else.
When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, Adam told God: that woman that YOU put here with me gave me the fruit and I ate it (blaming both God and Eve.) Then when God asked Eve about it, she said: that serpent tricked me and I ate it!
It’s very hard to say, “it’s my fault” and “I’m sorry.” That’s one thing I really loved about the movie BRAVE — that Merida had to MEND her relationship with her mother by letting go of her pride.
🙂
Jul 23, 2012 @ 17:02:24
So true! We’ve inherited the blame game from our earliest ancestors. Thankfully, we can learn from their sin, and choose to instead say, “It’s my fault, and I accept the consequences for my actions.” Do you ever wonder what might have been different if Adam and Eve had done that in the first place?
Jul 23, 2012 @ 17:47:03
Yes, I have wondered that! It just amazes me how little human nature has changed over the centuries. It is SO hard to accept responsibility and apologize — most of the time I’m too full of pride!
But I wonder, too, how much fear is involved. If I take responsibility, will I be forgiven? Or will my mistake be brought back to the surface during every future argument?
I need to be careful to accept apologies too so that my family and friends feel like they can trust me with their mistakes!
Jul 23, 2012 @ 17:51:01
Fear plays a huge part in it for me. What kind of trouble will it cause if I accept responsibility? Will the relationship ever be the same? Will I ever be trusted again?
Thanks for the reminder that I need to truly accept apologies too and let things go. I can’t expect that from others if I’m not willing to also give it!
Jul 23, 2012 @ 16:53:21
What a great post, Marcy. Um, how difficult it is to have the mirror held up to oneself, gulp!
I grew up a black belt in denying responsibility. Nothing was ever my fault, amazingly enough. I left a path of destruction in relationships and friendships worthy of a midwestern tornado.
Thankfully, I have grown up, with the help of a husband and dear friends who spent years training me to take that deep breath and apologize, admit I was wrong and ask how to fix what I have damaged. I might even be human soon! 🙂
Jul 23, 2012 @ 16:58:47
I think one of the reasons Pixar chose this theme for Brave is that we all have the tendency to deny responsibility. It couldn’t possibly be my fault this thing went wrong, and I will lop off the head of the first person who suggests I need to change my ways.
I’m glad you found a husband and friends brave enough to help you along the way. I can’t speak for my husband, but I know that for me, being married has been a great educator in saying, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. How can we fix this?”
Jul 23, 2012 @ 18:03:11
Admitting to our mistakes is both terrifying and liberating. When I stopped blaming my mom for all the stuff that happened to me in my childhood, it allowed me to grow as an individual and also accept my mom for who she is. I didn’t realize I was trying to change her into some fairy tale perfect mom when she was far, far from that. It also allowed me to accept what happened as a part of life, a learning experience that taught me to be strong and independent. It’s ironic to me that my daughter is at the age where she blames me for all the bad that happens in her life. I just smile and nod, knowing someday she’ll get it. Until then, I gently remind her that it’s her life and all the decisions she makes are her own.
For some odd reason, I like owning my mistakes because then I can also own my successes.
Jul 23, 2012 @ 18:07:09
My husband and I were talking about something similar not too long ago. I said that I like the independence I have as a writer because, succeed or fail, I won’t have to say, “If only so-and-so had listened to me…” If I fail, at least I know that failure rests on my shoulders, and I won’t resent someone else and blame them for not listening to me. Which is crazy in a way because I do struggle with accepting responsibility in other smaller areas.
Jul 23, 2012 @ 21:07:25
I totally understand that, Marcy!
Jul 23, 2012 @ 20:11:15
I’m usually OK at taking responsibility – but I really struggle with forgiveness. Or, I’ll forgive but never forget (ie/ let myself trust them enough to hurt me again) Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… I know I need to work on that, but I’ve been stomped on by the people I trust so often.
Not sure what the answer is other than to keep at it.
Great post. I took my girls to see this movie. They liked it – I wasn’t super enthusiastic about it but you’ve pulled out a great message.
Jul 23, 2012 @ 23:05:06
I blame others without even thinking sometimes. It’s for little stuff, like misplaced keys, forgotten appointments etc. but it makes me cringe when I hear myself sometimes. I try really hard to own up to my mistakes and I want my kids to do this as well!
Jul 23, 2012 @ 23:56:49
Responsibility can be a struggle. When it comes to mistakes I know I’ve made, I’ll own up to it. When it comes to relationship issues, that’s where the trouble starts. I have to be careful to distinguish where I’m at fault, and where the other person is at fault. Otherwise, I end up taking responsibility for the other person’s actions as well as mine (and that’s not fair).
Jul 24, 2012 @ 00:11:24
I think that’s one of the hardest life lessons, and one that takes an entire life to learn. I loved that about this movie. That final realization that she’d caused her problem and that only SHE could solve it was a strong one, and well done. Plus, what’s not to love about that hair!
Jul 24, 2012 @ 00:46:54
Loved this movie! I’m really close with my mom, and my daughter and I are close, so it had some meaning for me. I think there were a lot of great lessons in this, and hers was a strong character arc. Watching her go from being singular-minded and stubborn to understanding and acceptance was great.
Jul 24, 2012 @ 15:20:46
I credit my father for teaching me to take responsibility for my own actions. As a kid, I did not like hearing that truth asserted; now, I’m so thankful he took the time to instill that in me.
Thinking one’s self a victim broods anger and resentment. Taking responsibility promotes action, and therefore, leads to healing.
Hmmm. This is such a great post. My mind is afire with possible off-shooting facets to explore. I may link back and explore the topic further. Thanks, Marcy!