Are You Working Too Hard?
Are there limits beyond which we can’t—and shouldn’t—push ourselves even in pursuit of our goals?
In Episode 1 of Battlestar Galactica’s first season, the humans are on the run from the Cylons (machines originally created to serve humans). The Cylons’ attempted extermination of humanity left less than 50,000 survivors, and all of them now live on the small cluster of ships protected by the Battlestar Galactica.
Somehow the Cylons are able to track the human’s FTL (faster-than-light) jumps. They attack every 33 minutes, down to the second. FTL jumps are extremely difficult to plot safely, and when the episode opens, the humans are struggling to have jump coordinates ready every thirty-three minutes while also maintaining their equipment. If a ship breaks down and they can’t repair it in 33 minutes, the Cylons will kill everyone on that ship.
Because FTL jumps feel like riding a rollercoaster, not even the civilians have had more than a few minutes sleep. The fleet’s fighter pilots and other essential military personnel are running on stimulants (what they call stims).
“Five days now,” Dr. Gaius Baltar says in a rant to the Cylon delusion only he can see. “There are limits…to the human body. To the human mind. Tolerances that you can’t push beyond. All those are facts. Proven facts. Everyone has their limit.”
They can’t keep going. They have to find a way to shake the Cylons or they will all die.
The Cylons’ plan of attack is perfect because, as humans, we do have limits. We can only push so hard for so long before our bodies give out. No amount of determination can change that.
For the last year and a half, I’ve been working seven days a week on average. During some stretches, I worked 12- to 14-hour days. I was tired. I was sick every month with something new (and worked anyway). My creative well was dry. And even though I was working hard in pursuit of my dream and trying to be a responsible adult, I recently realized that I’d reached my limit physically, emotionally, and creatively.
In her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who works with palliative care patients in the final months of their lives, explains that the second-most common regret expressed by dying people is “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” They feel like they missed out on the more important things in life in order to succeed at work.
The temptation to burn ourselves out in support of our dreams is something almost anyone in any profession can fall prey to. We might think we’re being dedicated, and sometimes there are times when we do need to push hard, but we also need to rest. Without it, we’ll ruin our health and relationships. We won’t be doing our best work. And when we look back on the end of our lives and see only work, we’ll regret it.
Ignoring the need to rest is short-term thinking.
Because of this, and because I want my life to be more than the sum total of what I’m able to produce, I’m making a change. It’s not going to be an easy change for me. I have emotional baggage (why can’t the airline lose that for us, eh?) that means I feel guilty and afraid when I’m not working. I know it’s not healthy. It’s not balanced. And there’s only one way I know to fix it.
I am taking one day a week completely off from work. No social media. No writing. Maybe even no housework. I’m also setting aside one afternoon/evening a week to spend time with my husband. He deserves more of my time than he’s been getting.
Maybe this change means I’ll reach my goals a little slower. Maybe it means we have to live a simpler life and pinch a few more pennies in the short term.
And you know what? I’m okay with that, because I’m in this for the long haul. A life well-lived is about the long haul.
Have you been burning yourself out in the pursuit of your dreams because you think that’s the only way to “make it?” Or are you instead fighting, like me, to find a balance? I’d love to hear about the choice you’ve made and how/why you’re putting it into action.
(For an excellent, non-geeky look at this topic, check out Emma Burcart’s post “Sometimes We Just Need a Break.” For writers, I also love Kristen Lamb’s beautiful post “There Is A Season” where she talks about needing to let our minds, bodies, and imaginations rest if we want to be career authors rather than one-hit wonders.)
If you enjoyed this post, please enter your email address below to receive updates whenever I have a new post up.
Photo Credit: Michael Lorenzo (obtained via www.sxc.hu)
Jul 09, 2012 @ 12:38:54
Good for you, Marcy. I try to keep the balance by taking the weekend off, and it’s bit easier not to work on the computer when my little one is on vacation from school. Although I complain about not having enough time to work, it’s really a blessing to have her around. And I do need to cherish that more.
I think your idea of taking a day off is fantastic and will make a big difference all around.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 13:28:29
I didn’t know that about you, and based on how productive you are and how active you are on social media, I would have never guess. I think that makes you a great example both of how well the WANA method of building a team works and also how much your productivity and creativity can flourish when you give yourself time to rest.
When I was raising my Great Dane puppy, I can remember her pestering me to play and thinking, “I need to give her a little time right now because she’ll only be a puppy for so long.” I imagine it’s a little like that being a parent. You make sure to give your children time because they’ll only be little for so long.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 14:25:54
Thank you! I don’t feel like I’m productive enough, lol. I worry I’m not doing enough for marketing, relationship building, etc. And raising a puppy is very similar to having a child, lol. The time has already gone by so fast, I do everything I can to slow it down.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 12:56:53
It’s a good thing knowing your limits. There are certainly times where we need to push ourselves but that shouldn’t be a constant. Good job on choosing what’s best for you in the long run.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 13:30:24
Thanks 🙂 This change has been a long time coming, but I’d finally realized I’d gotten in to a pattern I needed to break. Because I was exhausted, I wasn’t getting as much work done and what I was getting done wasn’t as good. So I had to work longer to make up for it, which lead back into the start of the circle and a downward spiral. It doesn’t make sense to keep doing it.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 13:14:24
Yay! Good for you, Marcy!! Now .. stick with it! LOL … that’s the trouble I’m having. My solution that seems to be working somewhat is to make sure that at least once per week I have a “date” scheduled with a friend and/or a new movie to watch with my kids. If I have something totally away from work scheduled, something fun, then it’s much easier to take that day off.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 19:13:58
So true! Sticking with it is hard. One thing I’m doing is very similar to what you’re doing. My husband and I are setting aside one afternoon or evening a week where we’re going out on a “date.” Sometimes it’s to the movies. Sometimes to dinner. Sometimes we’ll take our dog to the beach. It doesn’t really matter what we do so long as we’re together and I’m not working 🙂
Jul 09, 2012 @ 13:24:15
Like Stacy, I take the weekend off too. I seem to go completely haywire–emotionally and physically when I push too hard. I think it’s huge when you recognize your limits–empowering! Good for you Marcy!
Jul 09, 2012 @ 13:37:07
It is empowering and exciting. I’m excited about feeling more like “me” again. I’ve been looking at my work lately and wondering why I can’t seem to produce the strong, creative content I used to. I’m also excited to be able to do the things I enjoy again. I still remember the very first email we got from Kristen telling us to go out and live during our weekend because if we weren’t living, we wouldn’t have anything to write about. It’s so true 🙂
Jul 09, 2012 @ 13:51:43
I have seasons of a 4-6 weeks where I’ve pushed hard like this, but normally I take most of the weekend off, and with other commitments I end up taking one other day off a week cumulatively (a morning here, a lunch hour + there) Plus, with my kids activities and spending time with them, I take early evenings off and may go back to work after they’re in bed.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 16:14:10
Kids seem to naturally push good parents to step away from their work. You’d like being a newlywed would have meant I took time off too, but since immigration kept us separated so much at first, I got into the habit of working (especially with us trying to finish our book).
Jul 09, 2012 @ 14:08:39
You are so right on with this topic! Even though I don’t know Battlestar Gallactica, I love the reference. There are limits to our bodies and we do need to stop working so hard. For me, Saturday is always a day off. I don’t write, worry about social media, or even do any chores. Saturday is for rest and fun. I only do things that I want to do. So far it has been working great for me. I only got sick one time this year. Rest really does help us stay healthy.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 16:17:17
For a few weeks now, I’ve been working on simply getting the proper amount of sleep for my body. It’s already made a huge difference, and is part of what finally tipped the scales for me making this decision. I don’t think I ever truly appreciated the value of rest before now.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 14:19:58
Hi Marcy, balance is a must. Pursue your dreams, but make time to enjoy your life right now as well as enjoying the people who share this time with you.
Here’s what can happen if you don’t. I owned a fitness center and for 15 yrs I worked the business and taught as a personal trainer as well as competed. I worked 12-14 hr days with no breaks ever. The end result was me, divorced, bankrupt, with adult children who refuse to speak to me or allow to see my grandchildren. lesson learned.
I have a new life, family, friends, and a new dream, but now I approach things differently. I write lots, but I also spend lots of time with family, friends, dogs, knitting, etc. All things enjoyed in equal measure.
Seek the balance, it will feed your soul.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 16:21:05
You just put into words some of my biggest fears. I’m so glad you were able to turn things around and find that balanced, happy life.
I think there’s a certain mindset in our society now that if you want to be successful at anything, you have to push yourself until you break. I don’t think that’s the case. Success might come a little slower, but I think there’s a way to have success while still having your life.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 14:33:24
Yes! And something I need to do and don’t. But I will do, soon!
Jul 09, 2012 @ 16:18:01
You might be in a period right now where you need to push hard for a few weeks. Those times do happen. But I hope you get some regular rest soon 🙂
Jul 09, 2012 @ 14:34:34
How much do I love it that you use geeky references for practical topics? ::hugs::
I am glad to hear that you are giving yourself a day to just be. I don’t think you are alone in feeling that way (part of why I wrote my post on Friday).
Hope you find the right balance for you!
Jul 09, 2012 @ 16:23:50
It makes my geeky heart happy to know there are kindred spirits out there.
I missed your Friday post but popped over now and read it. Great minds think alike!
Jul 09, 2012 @ 14:56:53
That’s a wonderful idea, Marcy – I do the same thing on Saturdays. I don’t even do chores. Heck, I don’t even make dinner! I hope you enjoy your “me time”! 🙂
Jen
Jul 09, 2012 @ 16:22:33
I took my first official day off yesterday, and I had my husband bring home Subway for dinner so that I didn’t even have to cook 🙂 I used to love experimenting with new recipes, though, so in the future, that might be part of how I spend my day off. I haven’t had time to cook anything lately that involved much time and effort.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 15:18:50
“Ignoring the need to rest is short term thinking.” I should print that out and stick it to my laptop. 😉
Rest is something I’ve been activity working on for the past year and half. A funny thing happened during my first trial month. I’d been reading “The Power of Rest: Why Sleep is Not Enough” by Dr. Matthew Edlund, and decided to give his techniques a whirl: more frequent breaks and rest as a huge priority, being the biggies. I had two trips that month—good time to “slack off” a bit, right?
I felt better quickly, and figured it was worth any financial or productivity price to pay. It turned out there wasn’t one. That month turned out to be the most profitable month in my writing life to date. I also wrote some of my strongest bits of my novel.
I still need reminders and am a work-in-progress, but I’ll never negate rest fully again. So happy to hear you’ve prioritized it, too! Thanks for this post. 🙂
Jul 09, 2012 @ 16:27:33
One of the things that really convinced me to take this step is how I’ve noticed my work just isn’t what it used to be. I’ve felt less creative, and I’ve had to work longer just to produce work I’m comfortable releasing. That downward spiral happened in just the last six months or so, and I’ve taken it as a sign that my body needs fuel and repairs.
I’ll have to check out that book. It sounds like it’s full of helpful tips 🙂
Jul 09, 2012 @ 15:19:33
Make that ‘actively,’ not ‘activity.’ 😉
Jul 09, 2012 @ 16:30:28
I loved the Galactica reference, Marcy. It was the perfect primer to an important message. I’ve been hanging online way too late on many nights and it always bites me back the next day when I get barely anything done. Not smart. I also got sick with tonsillitis again.
Enough sleep = health and more patience with kids.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 19:03:17
More patience with kids is definitely a good thing. For me, it’s more patience with the husband 🙂 Poor guy always knows when I’m over-tired.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 21:27:54
Sometimes we seem to need “permission” to rest, because it’s so easy to gauge our worth on our performance (I’ve read that illness is our body’s way of giving that permission before we totally overload). I applaud your decision and the choice to share it (and yes I read it lying on the couch, and now feel a lot less guilty for taking a rest!). Timely message.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 18:59:17
I’m glad I helped you feel less guilty for taking care of yourself 🙂 I do believe you’re right about illness being our body’s way of giving us permission to rest before we do serious damage to ourselves. It’s almost like a breaker in a house that switches off the power so we don’t end up with a fire. Now I just need to be smart enough to let the “breaker” signal to me that there’s a problem.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 21:47:34
The break time you’re giving yourself will pay off work-wise, Marcy. I’m happy for you.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 19:04:04
Thanks 🙂 I’ve been noticing the difference already just from taking this past Sunday off. I can only image how much better I’ll start to feel once I turn this into a habit.
Jul 09, 2012 @ 22:31:36
It took me 48 years, but I finally learned to slow down a little bit. It’s a hard concept for a lot of folks, but it’s very beneficial when we manage to “get it.”
Kudos to you for taking the time to just live and be you.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
Jul 09, 2012 @ 22:53:34
This is a real challenge for me. I can’t take weekends off, because with a full-time job, weekends are my time to write, write blogs, and once a month go to my RWA chapter meetings. I do try to cut out activities when I can, but sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in the day. I’m trying to get to bed at a decent hour at night, but that too is constant battle. Still looking for that balance, I suppose.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 19:05:49
I think then the question becomes “how quickly do I want my writing career to move forward?” You might also only be able to take a part day off, but I think if you do that, your productivity in the hours you do write will increase. I’m confident you’ll find the balance eventually.
Jul 10, 2012 @ 02:25:47
Marcy, you need to do this girl. Take the time to recoup and spend time with your family. That is more important than anything else. I am burned out and that’s why you all haven’t seen much of me lately. I only read so many blogs per day. And blog only once a week, although last week I didn’t blog at all. And guess what? The world did not come tumbling down. Well, what do you know? So take care of you Marcy. You’ll enjoy everything else more too! 🙂
Jul 11, 2012 @ 19:09:07
Karen, how do you always know the right thing to say? Such a hard lesson for me to learn that everything I’ve worked for won’t come crumbling down if I miss a day or have to cut back a little. That’s what one of the evil little voices in my head tries to tell me all the time. I’ve been trying to counter it with something I heard one of the blogging bigwigs say once–people don’t unsubscribe from your blog because you don’t post often enough, but they will unsubscribe if you post too often.
Jul 10, 2012 @ 03:22:00
Truer words were never spoken, Marcy. This summer is that time for me – slowing down, re-appraising and re-evalluating where my time goes.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 19:09:38
These times of re-evaluating are so essential, aren’t they?
Jul 10, 2012 @ 12:34:18
I’ve realized I can survive for long periods with only 3 to 4 hours of rest a night, but the toll it takes is not worth it, Marcy. While I still work 7 days a week, I keep my hours on the weekend to a minimum. A couple in the morning and nothing beyond that I’d a bonus.
We need our downtime to regenerate our bodies not only physically but mentally and spiritually, too. When life stops being fun, it’s time to make changes.
I’ll be watching you… 🙂
Jul 11, 2012 @ 19:10:33
Please do watch me. I think I might need a watch dog at times to stick to this. And I give everyone permission to chew me out if they catch me breaking this new resolution 🙂
Jul 10, 2012 @ 16:22:20
You don’t know how glad I am to hear this. I came to this realization years ago when I lost so many people in my life. The quick deaths and the slow deaths, none of them wished for more hours of work. They all said enjoy each day to its fullest. See the sunrise for what it is and rejoice in the splendor that is all around us. When we tie ourselves to our desks and computers we tend to forget and lose track of that meaning, if only for a short while. Life is short and we never know when our time will be up. Let’s enjoy the adventure.
I love that you used BSG to discuss this topic. 🙂
Jul 11, 2012 @ 19:12:26
Life is much too short to work it all away. I think my impending 31st birthday is part of what’s brought me to this point at last. It feels like just yesterday that I turned 20. If 10 years can fly by that quickly, I need to start savoring them before they’re all gone.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 23:41:46
I’ve posted on this topic recently, as I pondered the same things. I’ve been making a concentrated effort to celebrate Sabbath with my family – to unplug and enjoy, rest, refresh. There’s a magic to it. As a confessed work-o-holic (secret laugh-o-holic as well) I struggle to take that one day off! It’s bonkers…and sadly, true.
I find it fascinating that within Judaism are found the rituals so relevent, so needful to my modern life. I guess mankind has always needed to rest – and apparently we (or at least I) need an order to do so or we’ll steal from ourselves and burn the candle at both ends…lol. Anyway…excellent post, Marcy.
Jul 12, 2012 @ 18:52:57
I’m better than I used to be, but I always need a good reminder to breathe and enjoy my life. (Thanks!)
One of the biggest changes this year is I take blog vacations when I’m on regular vacation or at a conference. I didn’t used to, but it helps a lot. 🙂
Jul 12, 2012 @ 23:51:49
Thanks for this post Marcy. It’s interesting because what I’m planning on blogging about this week will tie in very nicely with yours! 🙂 Taking care of ourselves.
I find it hard sometimes to just sit and be still. I need to be doing something. Lately, I’ve been trying to relax more. Definitely hard, but I’m trying.
Thanks for this reminder.
Darlene