Real Steel: Some Things Are Worth Fighting For
By Marcy Kennedy (@MarcyKennedy)
So often we hear the advice that, if you love something (or someone), you should let them go. But part of the reason I fell in love with my husband was his willingness to fight for me. His willingness to fight gave me the invaluable gift of knowing I was worth fighting for. And I hope my willingness to fight for him has done the same.
In Real Steel, a movie set in 2020, when robot boxing has replaced human boxing, Charlie (Hugh Jackman) has forgotten what it means to fight for anything.
Charlie is an absentee father who ends up taking care of his eleven-year-old son during the worst time of Charlie’s life, when his last robot has been destroyed and he’s in enough debt that people want to kill him. The woman he loves won’t have anything to do with him because he’s immature and irresponsible, and Charlie doesn’t want anything to do with his son, Max. In fact, he “sells” Max to the aunt and uncle who want custody. Charlie only takes Max for the summer because Max’s uncle pays Charlie to care for the boy while the aunt and uncle travel to Italy.
And then Charlie loses the money in a single boxing match.
Desperate, Charlie and Max pull a sparring bot from the junk yard and restore it just to earn a few hundred dollars in throwaway matches. At least, that’s Charlie’s plan. Max has a different idea. Their sparring bot starts winning. They move from illegal, unsanctioned matches to a professional match. And they win.
After their big win, the man Charlie owes money to beats up both Max and Charlie and takes all their winnings.
The next day, Charlie returns Max to his aunt and uncle early. Max is furious.
“What do you want me to say?” Charlie yells at him. “I’m sorry? No, you knew. You knew from day one what this was. You decided to take the ride. What? You actually thought me, you, and the little robot from the junk heap were gonna ride off into the sunset? Come on! No, you forgot who I was. I mean, what do you want from me?”
Max turns on him, eyes filling with tears. “I want you to fight for me. That’s all I ever wanted.”
I think that’s what we all want in some way, because the person who will fight for us is telling us we’re valuable. We’re worth the trouble. We’re something special.
Fighting for someone means you have their back. My career choice isn’t popular with everyone, but my husband refuses to allow anyone to criticize the choice I’ve made. Whatever private disagreements we might have, we’re a united front in public. You attack one of us, you attack both of us.
Fighting for someone means you prioritize your relationship above everything else. I love my job, but I think it’s foolish to “make whatever sacrifices it takes” to succeed. I won’t sacrifice my relationship with my husband, and that means setting aside inviolable time for him (and recognizing when I’m working too hard).
Fighting for someone means you cut them some slack when they’re hurting. Sometimes hurting people will shove us away as hard as they can, trying to prove themselves right that they can’t count on anyone but themselves, but secretly, desperately, hoping you’ll finally be the one to prove them wrong.
Fighting for someone means you compromise and value their happiness equally with your own. Putting someone else’s happiness above your own is a fast track to resentment. However, valuing their happiness equally to our own means we’re always looking for win-win situations rather than trying to be the martyr or walking all over the one we claim to love.
Fighting for someone means you don’t give up on them when trouble comes. Traditional wedding vows talk about “in sickness and health, for richer or poorer.” In our time together, my husband and I have weathered specialist visits, wisdom teeth removal, and torn hamstrings. We’re still in the penny-pinching stage. We’ve even dealt with border and immigration hassles. But those problems are minor to us compared to what being together gives us.
The advice to let something go if you love it gives us an out to quit too soon, when if we hung on, we’d find that the struggle, the fight, brought us to something greater than we could have had if we’d walked away. I know it did for me.
Who (or what) have you been willing to fight for?
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Oct 01, 2012 @ 11:53:57
I definitely think that if you want something, including a relationship, it’s worth fighting for. But, I also think the quote is true. I think it means you shouldn’t have to force something. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, you let them go rather than begging them to stay or getting pregnant, or something like that. I think sometimes we get too caught up on how things have to happen when we just need to let go and trust that it will work out. Like what you said about your wedding date, you let it go and it worked it out better in the end. But, you fought for the relationship because that was what was important.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 12:27:38
Very good point. I’d never advocate doing something underhanded to keep a relationship. And sometimes a relationship isn’t right, and we have to learn to recognize those as well. I just think sometimes, at the first sign of struggle, we walk away–often because we know working things out is going to be painful for both people. But like exercise, to get what we want, we have to endure the pain and hard work.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 12:37:59
I think deciding what is worth fighting for and what needs to be dropped is the true secret to life. Reel Steel was an awesome movie, and I’m glad you decided to comment on it. Haven’t heard many references sense I saw it at my school’s theater. Wish I would have known more about the movie though, as I saw it after dropping my daughter off with my exwife for our first “rotation”.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 18:07:40
We all have to find and walk that line, don’t we. How well we do it has a huge impact.
While I don’t know your situation, I can imagine how some of the themes in the movie might have hit too close to home. It sounds, though, like you’re taking an active part in your daughter’s life and that she will know she’s loved even though her parents aren’t together anymore.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 13:36:23
I just love love love this post! I think the “letting go” quote can be confusing. I think it only really applies when you’ve tried all you can and have hit that point of enough is enough. And sometimes that release is what brings back what you love. But I know I need more fighting in my life, in my career. Just love how you illustrate your relationship with your husband. THAT’S a REAL marriage. So happy for you Marcy. Thank you for this beautiful post. Can’t wait to see the film 🙂
Oct 01, 2012 @ 19:10:32
Thanks, Ingrid 🙂 We’re far from a perfect couple, but I think overall we have a strong marriage and we’re both working hard to keep it that way 🙂
Oct 01, 2012 @ 13:50:38
Absolutely. Love this post Marcy. Made my heart SING! Yes, you need to know when it’s time to let go but…you alway shave to remember and honor that there are some things worth fighting for…the trick is to know the difference and respond in kind. 🙂
Oct 01, 2012 @ 19:11:06
The trick is to know the difference. Hopefully the more life experience we have, the better we get at knowing that difference.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 14:58:37
Oh, I love the “value their happiness as much as your own” part. That is so right on, Marcy! Not more than your own. That isn’t healthy and as you say, you’ll end up resenting the other person. Great post!
Oct 01, 2012 @ 20:20:53
That’s a tip I picked up from one of the books we read for pre-marital counseling, and it really stuck with me (though I don’t remember which book anymore). In most situations, if we try to face it as “you and I are a team working against a common enemy” rather than “you vs. me” the solution is always a better one.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 15:28:07
I have fought for many things over the years.but I have to say my relationship with my partner is at the top of the list. I have fought for this relationship many times (as has she. Her well being and happiness are of the utmost importance to me. Each morning I wake with this question. “What can I do today to improve her experience of life today? How can I make her smile?” Okay, that was two questions.
I feel the same about my adopted sister.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 20:23:26
What a great way to start each day! I’m going to keep those in mind. Love should be a verb, as well as a noun because the feeling grows from the action. Those two questions are a great way to find active ways to show love.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 16:48:39
I agree with you. Relationships are worth fighting for. That’s what made that movie worth watching, when Charlie learns that lesson. I think its beautiful that your hubby fights for you. 🙂
Oct 01, 2012 @ 20:24:45
Thank you 🙂 I can be a difficult person at times, so it’s nice to know someone thinks I’m the best person they know. The lesson Charlie learned was what made the movie worth watching for me too 🙂
Oct 01, 2012 @ 16:59:39
I want to see that movie. It sounds good, but Charlie has a lot to learn. I hope it has a happy ending. 🙂
I can sure relate to how you feel about your career choice not being popular with everyone. I’m glad your hubby’s got your back!
I fight for my hubby and my kids and grandkids. And others who are being treated unfairly and need someone to have their back.
Love this post, Marcy!
Oct 01, 2012 @ 20:03:26
You’re right. We all need to know that we’re important enough for someone to fight for us. I agree with a couple of the others though…we need to know when enough is enough. At what point do we throw in the towel and say…I’ve done everything I can do. I’ve fought long and hard…and I need something more. I need the one who will fight for me just as hard as I fight for them.
Be nice if we all came with an instruction manual…that would help us figure everything out once we got old enough to read. 🙂
Oct 01, 2012 @ 20:11:38
I couldn’t help but chuckle because my husband is always saying he wishes I came with an instruction manual. I don’t think I’m that complicated 😉
I agree with the others as well that there’s a line where enough is enough. But I think we need to be very careful we’ve actually reached that point before we give up.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 20:31:29
Definitely I’d fight for my family. You hurt one of us, you hurt all of us.
You are most definitely right when you say we have to make time for our spouses. It is so easy to let life consume every waking second, but prioritizing your spouse is a must.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
Oct 01, 2012 @ 21:15:59
Great post. I loved this movie. I got this message from it, but I think the point that stood out even more to me was how important fathers are. Even bad ones. And that we can learn as much from our kids as they teach us. My kids have taught me the most important lessons in life.
Oct 01, 2012 @ 23:22:06
I loved the movie! Charlie had no clue what he didn’t have with Max because he’d never met. He didn’t understand what being a father meant until he almost lost him.
And I love your love story! Marriage (relationships, period) can have trying periods, and you do have to fight for each other. Great post, Marcy!
Oct 02, 2012 @ 03:38:32
Love this post, Marcy! I know my husband and I fight for each other. As I read your post I kept thinking, ‘yep, we do that.’ Very insightful post, thank you for sharing!
Oct 02, 2012 @ 11:07:01
Having someone who will fight for your is really what life’s all about. I’ve been in a relationship where I fought for my partner but he didn’t fight for me. That was devastating.
Then I found a partner who not only fights for me, he holds me up when I feel like giving up, he protects me from life’s arrows when he can, and he holds up a mirror to show me myself when I need that. I wake up every day, hoping I can give back to him even a small part of what he gives to me.
Lovely post, Marcy. We all need reminders once in a while that to fight for who you believe in, is just as important as fighting for what you believe in! Thanks
Oct 02, 2012 @ 22:26:43
Oh wow, what a fantastic post! And so true. My husband and I recently ended a friendship with another couple, which amounted to us fighting for each other (and our daughter). OTOH, the quote is true too – too many times when I was young and foolish I fought for guys who didn’t want to be with me, and it never turned out good.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 02:35:00
This is a lovely post, Marcy. Full of wisdom. I totally agree that we have to fight for the people we love and with whom we share our lives. and the comments reflect that.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 22:39:07
This post nails one of the hardest truths, that love doesn’t just happen. Easy to say, right? But when it comes right down to the days when you struggle for and with each other, sometimes you still lose your vision of each other. Those times are hard. They require nothing short of a leap of faith in each other, a blind fight for what you know is there but can’t see at the moment. What a nice vehicle to illustrate this! Since Kristan Lamb’s WANA class, where we were ASSIGNED (love it) to watch movies, I’ve been watching them with a vengeance. Will add this one to the list.