When Is It Time to Quit on Our Dreams?
By Marcy Kennedy (@MarcyKennedy)
I thought about quitting today.
It’s not the first time. I’m sure it won’t be the last.
We all hit that point.
It’s that point where the one rejection letter outweighs all the acceptances because it was the one that really mattered to you.
It’s the point where you get tired of hearing you have a strong voice, intricate world-building, an interesting premise, solid writing, BUT this story isn’t for them or they don’t see a market for it.
It’s the point where your blog stops growing or you lose a few subscribers or fewer people are commenting, and you wonder if blogging is really worth the effort.
It’s the point where you buy a new writing book or take a writing course, and instead of feeling excited you want to cry because you realize how much you still have to learn. Because you know that good isn’t good enough. And suddenly you see how far away from your goal you still are.
It’s the point where the one person you thought believed you were going to be a success starts talking about how realistically, even if you go indie, you’ll never make as much as you would at a normal job.
It’s the point where you retire a story you loved, still love, to a drawer and start over. Again. And you wonder how many times can I keep doing this?
It’s that point.
When you hit it, you have to decide—do I give up and walk away or do I keep pushing and hoping?
And what you hear in your head is that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting something to change.
What you hear in your head is all the times in an argument you’ve been told you don’t know when to quit (and it wasn’t meant as a compliment).
And you think what if they’re right? Is there a time when the right and smart thing to do is to finally, at last, give up the fight?
Or is that point the point where we need to push harder? To plant our final seed of courage in the cracked ground and pray it grows? To drag ourselves forward one bloodied-fingered inch at a time because we’re almost there?
Is that the point right before we succeed?
“So many people quit right before they hit the inflection point.” – Michael Hyatt
You stand there holding quitting in one hand and potential insanity in the other, and instead of thinking about which is better, you think about which comes with the greater cost.
If you quit, you’re going to look back in one year, ten years, your last hours and wonder what if? What if I could’ve done it if I’d tried just a little longer?
If you go forward, you risk spending your life on something that never pans out. Could you have been successful at something else instead? Happier even? You know there are other things you love to do.
To quit or to persevere. To embrace practicality or to embrace hope.
You start to ask yourself, if you knew you’d never succeed, if the 80-year-old you took a time machine back to tell the present you that you didn’t make it, would you do it anyway?
Would you write for hours, sacrificing time with friends and opportunities for fun?
Would you ignore the pain in your back and the aching and stiffness in your hands that feels suspiciously like early-onset arthritis in order to write?
Would you continue to sink money into your dream that you could have otherwise used for vacations or to make your spouse’s or children’s lives a little easier?
Would you do those things if you knew they would never yield the results you wanted? Is there enough value in fighting for it to keep going even if you lose?
With all of that tumbling around inside, you stop and ask yourself–how much do I really want it?
Maybe you decide to walk away. Perhaps you’re smarter than me.
Because, for today at least, I want it bad enough to cling to the belief that one more step might bring me to the inflection point. I want it bad enough that I’m going to keep working until it happens. I want it bad enough to put in the work to make it happen. And I still believe that there’s value in chasing our dreams, even if we never catch them.
Do you ever feel like quitting on your dreams? What (or who) talks you down off the ledge? Or do you think there is a time to stop and move on?
I hope you’ll check out the newly released mini-books in my Busy Writer’s Guides series–Strong Female Characters and How to Write Faster–both currently available for 99 cents.
Photo Credit: Billy Alexander (from www.sxc.hu)
Oct 04, 2012 @ 11:53:00
When I first saw the title the answer that popped into my head was, “Never!” Because if it is our dream, we should never give up on it. I believe that the universe supports us, so we wouldn’t have a dream that isn’t possible. Someone had a dream of flying, of walking on the moon. Those dreams came true. That means ours can, too. I think it all depends on the way you look at the world. If you feel like you’re beating your head against the wall it could be time for a change. Maybe that’s taking a new class, writing at a different time of day, or just taking a walk outside.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:18:05
I find that I usually feel like quitting when I hit the burnout point. That’s when the “how much longer can I keep this up…I don’t want to do this anymore” thoughts start to creep in. Once I can get a little of the rest and refreshment I need, I start to remember all the reasons why I’d never want to give up my dream.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 12:11:18
Brilliant! This post said all the things that go through my mind when another rejection comes pinging into my inbox or drops through the letterbox onto the mat.
It is an addiction that keeps writers writing – hope is always just round the corner spurring you on even when everything else shouts, ‘whoa…you a crazy woman or what?’Thanks for sharing and NEVER give up!
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:26:02
Having even a tiny shred of hope to hang on to is a huge motivator. Usually I also find that just when I’m ready to say “forget it” and truly give up, something small happens to remind me why I do this and to encourage me to keep pressing forward. As long as there’s even the tiniest spark of hope, I’ll keep chasing it.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 12:23:53
I understand your frustration. But, if you write because you can’t help it and it honestly makes feel happy, you shouldn’t even considering quitting. Maybe you can take a break, relax a bit. But not quitting. To me writing is like breathing, I could never stop. I earn my living as a writer (non fiction, copywriting and this sort of stuff) but also write fiction. Worse case scenario, now thanks to Amazon I can self-publish and gain a few affectionate readers. What’s wrong with that? Just remember why you started in the first place (I started at 7) and re-learned the process. And stop trying that hard, it’s like when you have a sucky boyfriend and do your best to please him and he just takes advantage of it. Take some distance from your writing, take a breath and have fun. Because writing IS fun! Good luck and keep me updated!;)
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:29:52
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked myself why I do this. But the truth is that I can’t imagine not doing it. So much of who I am is tied up with writing.
Like you, I started young. One of my earliest memories is making my grandma act out a play I’d written. I couldn’t have been more than four or five at the time. We must be born with the desire to write 🙂
Oct 04, 2012 @ 12:36:29
I did give up After fifteen years of trying and constant rejection, I just stopped. there are so many things I wanted (and want) to do and I knew that chasing the dream of publication meant I couldn’t do any of them. So I stopped writing. in truth, I didn’t miss it. but when an opportunity came along that guaranteed publication, (3 years later) I jumped in and re-learned how to write. It was a hoot. and because of that I’m here and ….well the list goes on and on. Sometimes, quitting is a good idea. but not for me today. Great thoughts, Marcy
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:20:48
I think you bring up a really great point. Just because we say “not now” doesn’t mean we’re saying “never.” Too many people make that mistake. Sometimes we have to put a dream on hold to pursue another worthy goal (a lot of mothers do this), and the important thing is that we come back to it later.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 12:50:50
I feel like quitting on a regular basis. I’m going through those doubts right now, as I try to hold yet another giveaway that no one is interested in and prepare a book for launch that no one really wants to read. At times like these, I also question my relationship with those around me. Do they really care about me? Why won’t they support me if they do? Why does it have to be a struggle all the time? And while sometimes I really do just want to give up, I know I can’t. I may take a break, I may falter, but I’ll always come back, because it’s who I am. And even if I don’t have support from the outside, I have myself.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 15:28:46
If you ever need someone to talk you down off the ledge, just send me an email. As an indie author, I’d imagine it’ll take a little longer to gain that traction you’re looking for. Keep writing and it will come.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 12:57:42
There are many moments where I feel defeated. About 6 years ago, I’d decided to take my writing out of the storage boxes and do something about it. So I finished a novel and then promptly panicked and went out and got a job instead of taking the next steps. The work was mindless and soul sucking. Every afternoon I would get home and think, ok now I will write. Except I was drained and defeated. Again. Almost two years later I quit that job, realizing that if I was going to feel moments of defeat, I’d rather be spending time doing something I love. I still have panic inducing moments, but I am thankful for the time I spend in my writing cave. Hugs Marcy!! Thanks for sharing.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 15:31:04
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m really glad you didn’t give up.
I really like “if I was going to feel moments of defeat, I’d rather be spending time doing something I love.” The grass is greener mentality tempts us all, but every job comes with hardship, so we might as well weather the hardship for something we truly love.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:06:31
Great post. I actually had a brief moment like this yesterday. Moving forward, figuring things out, working harder just seemed like more than I could do. Then I remembered who I was and what I know I’m meant to do and I forged ahead. 😉
Oct 04, 2012 @ 15:33:29
Do you think it comes from thinking we have to do too much? Sometimes I think I’d be better off if I canceled my subscriptions to some of the marketing and “about blogging” blogs I read. They make it sound like a mountain that’s just too tall to climb. What I so appreciate about Kristen and the WANA methods is that they’re not intimidating. They sound achievable and help build such a great community–as I’m sure you know since that’s how we met!
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:08:39
I’m so glad we were on similar wavelengths today, Marcy. I learned that a few publishers passed on my novel this week, and posted a far different take on the aftermath. Yours, I suspect, is much more relatable to most. 🙂
What keeps me from giving up, primarily, is loving the work. I feel so blessed to be a writer, and to have the freedom, ability and desire to write (most ;)) every day.
I’m lucky to have overcome concerns about rejection early in my fasion/film careers. Both taught me that the best news and opportunities come if we simply keep going. I KNOW that’s the case for you. *HUGS*
Oct 04, 2012 @ 15:41:55
It really struck with me when you wrote “…every ‘no’ is progress toward that invaluable ‘yes.’ All writers continue progressing, as long as we don’t give up. Our job is to be ready for the doors that swing open when they do, to seek those doors and just…keep…writing.”
Thank you for the invaluable encouragement in this comment and in your post 🙂
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:20:36
Hi Marcy:
After reading the above responses from your loyal tribe, it’s apparent we MUST keep plodding along and follow our dreams.
I’m reminded of the turtle and the hare. Who won out in the end? The turtle of course. He inched along while the hare sneered and jeered, just like the people in our lives who roll their eyes and tell us to get a “real” job. But what are they doing to fulfill their dreams? Probably not much. They work hard at a job they despise, fight traffic, arrive home exhausted, plop down in front of the boob tube, watch “crap” for four hours, and then drag themselves to bed.
Now that’s what I call insanity!
Thank you for inspiring me, Marcy.
Tracy
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:23:26
Thank you for such a great comment. I was thinking about the tortoise and the hare story yesterday while driving. I couldn’t help but notice how often you see rabbits dead on the road and how rarely you see turtles. The rabbits were in such a rush to get where they were going that they didn’t pay enough attention, panicked, or were blinded by the lights. The turtles keep plugging away, slowly, steadily, with determination.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:29:50
Oh trust me, some days I am the hare,–charging ahead, trying to accomplish too many things on my super duper long list, and then nothing gets finished. But today is another day.
Thanks goodness! 🙂
Oct 04, 2012 @ 13:43:00
You should come down off that ledge Marcy. You are an excellent writer!
I think I am too stupid to quit! Hahaha! By that I mean that my naivety and ignorance may be in my favor. I was never trained as a writer, so I have no pretenses and absorb everything like a sponge. I don’t get defensive, since I know I have a lot to learn.
I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants for the last year and a half,never and have never had more fun!
It may get frustrating when my book is finished and I get rejection notices, but I don’t think I will. I’ll just chalk it up to a huge learning curve like learning to snowboard.
I’ve already been through the hurt of friends not supporting my new passion, so I think I can handle the rejection of strangers. Besides, my book club has never been 100% in love with any book. There have always been at least 1-2 that complain about something.
I have 25 more books I want to write so I gotta keep motoring!
Oct 04, 2012 @ 19:02:47
I wouldn’t call that stupid. I’d definitely call it determined. (And I would have never guessed that you’ve only been at it a year and a half. You’re doing awesome!)
I really like the snowboarding analogy. I’m terrible at sports (I was one of those people who was born clumsy), but the same principle applies to an instrument, which I do have experience with. For music you have to learn notes and key signatures. For sports you have to learn the rules of the game. That’s a lot like learning our craft in writing.
After that, it’s all about sticking with it and putting the theory into practice, and pushing through the pain.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 14:52:46
Wow, this post says it all. I can’t count how many times I went through this over the years as the rejections piled up. When it comes to the crunch I always try to remember the words of Rocky Balboa. “Being a champion is about how much punishment you can take and keep moving forward.”
Ladies, just toss that rejection letter in the pile with the rest, then keep moving forward. It is what we do, for we are all champions.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 14:58:59
Thanks for this. So inspirational! I will re-read whenever I’m flagging.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 19:03:29
Thanks for that quote. I should print that out and tape it up on the wall!
Oct 04, 2012 @ 16:07:59
I’ve had my fair share of rejections with my fiction, but I console myself with the acceptances on my non-fiction – and keep at it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like giving up. I’ve moved on to other projects, not because I’m giving up on them but accepting that I need to wait a bit longer, learn more, before going back to them. I don’t want to lose that feeling of frustration that I don’t know enough. If I lose that, if I feel like I’ve ‘arrived’ then the boredom will set in. That’s what I love about writing, after studying it and working on it daily for more than eight years, there’s still so much to learn.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 19:08:17
I never want to lose the drive to better myself as a writer either. I’m always drooling over the latest craft book or saving up for a new course. The exciting part about writing is that we can always be working to get better.
I don’t like the feeling of frustration though 🙂
Oct 04, 2012 @ 16:59:37
Hang in there, Marcy! I love your take on following your dreams. It’s true for me, too. I can’t give up now because it took me too long to go after what I want.
I say, “Congratulations!” for every rejection because it was a triumph to send it out in the first place. So what if that one didn’t want it? Someone else will. I won’t know if I don’t send it out.
There is an audience for my work because 1) I love writing and 2) I wrote it. These characters didn’t unfold before my eyes to sit in drawer. I think that’s true for everyone! It’s just a matter of connecting with the right place. 🙂
Oct 05, 2012 @ 02:24:16
“I can’t give up now because it took me too long to go after what I want.”
This made me think of something else. The longer we pursue our dream, the more we invest in it, and the less likely we are to give up. The tough times encourage persistence 🙂
Oct 04, 2012 @ 17:31:16
Yep, I’ve gone through this many times, and I always come up with the same answer. Yes, I’d still do it because I want to write. Would I invest money, knowing it wasn’t going to make a difference (if my 80-year-old self came back and gave me a heads up)? Probably not.
I’m kind of following Bob Mayer’s guidelines about being in it for the long haul, to keep writing and getting more books out there. Once I decided to self-publish, it made a big difference for me. Don’t have to deal with those ‘nice’ rejection letters anymore or getting a request for my ms, getting my hopes up, and it doesn’t pan out. I know not to have unreal expectations and have learned to keep things in perspective. I’m doing the best I can, hanging in there, trying not to let anything snuff out my creativity, but giving it a chance to be free and go with it. It’s much nicer when I’m not putting too much pressure on myself but focus on enjoying the journey.
You’ve come a long way, Marcy, and have too much talent to let it go by the way side. When you get to a low point, take a break, do something else you enjoy that releases your creative juices. Then go back to it when you’re feeling refreshed and ready to move on.
Oct 05, 2012 @ 02:28:14
A lot of what I’ve gone through of late has made me think about things that I wouldn’t otherwise have seriously considered. So in a way, being pushed to the point of almost quitting is starting to look like it might be the best thing for me. I think the choices I’m not making will help me enjoy my writing career more than I ever could have otherwise.
Thank you for reminding me of that.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 17:40:05
Amazing post Marcy. My answer is always HELL NO!! It all comes down to you and the mirror. What do you want, how bad do you want it, and what are you willing to do to attain it. My experience has been that the best things in life come from some of the most gruelling work and struggle. Not always but often. And those are also the most rewarding because we know we’ve busted our butts to get where we are.
You want this…more than anything…then stick with it! We got your back!
Oct 05, 2012 @ 02:29:27
I do want this more than anything 🙂 And knowing that I have a team who has my back makes the journey less frightening. Thanks, Natalie!
Oct 04, 2012 @ 17:46:35
Wow, so many of us have the same angst. And ya know what, if it didn’t matter so much it wouldn’t hurt, either.
I quit writing. I did. The nonfiction had stopped selling, my agent couldn’t get interest in anything new, I tried a new agent–same thing. And I asked God to please tell me what to do–and that very afternoon I got a job offer. A real job. Supposedly the “perfect” job for me…teaching high school choir. I took the job, after all God wanted me to, He answered my prayer. But the thing is, it wasn’t writing. I lasted a semester, did a good job but was miserable, so I quit.
That God-lesson was valuable. Being happy and doing what you’re MEANT to do count for a whole lot. I don’t take it for granted any more, and am very cautious about asking God for another life lesson, LOL!
Two weeks after the school year ended, I got a book contract out of the blue. Shortly after that I started kindle-lizing the backlist, connected with my future editor and publisher, found Kristen’s blogging class, picked up the fiction after a year away…
Those who give up are guaranteed to never grab the brass ring. I think it’s important to keep our eyes open to the different “prizes” that may be available, too. Learn to recognize all the other opportunities along the way, too.
Oct 04, 2012 @ 19:13:33
You’re so right. Wanting it as much as we do is what makes the rejections and frustrations so hard to take.
Your story sounds similar to my husband’s in a way. In his early 20s, he thought he should make a career out of the military (he was already a reservist in the Marine Corps), so he filled out and submitted his application to become a Navy Chaplain. He had this niggling feeling though that made him unsure that was the right thing to do, so he prayed for God to stop him if that wasn’t the right path. He had a stoke the next day, disqualifying him from serving in the military again. We have to be careful what we ask for!
I so happy things are finally falling into place for you 🙂
Oct 04, 2012 @ 22:12:35
I love this post! Oh yeah, I’ve “quit” many times. The traditional publishing submission process is so demoralizing. Even if it’s just a business decision on the part of the publisher/agent, it just gets too depressing. I was pretty close to quitting again when self-publishing started to take off, and that has made all the difference in the world. Even though my sales aren’t anything to get excited about, knowing that my books are out there for others to read, and getting email from them… it’s amazing!
Oct 05, 2012 @ 02:32:17
Self-publishing is a huge benefit to authors. It allows stories that might otherwise be rejected on the basis of “business considerations” to find their audience. Don’t lose heart about your sales. I’ve read in so many places that those take time to build, and the more books we get out, the more sales of all our books will increase 🙂
Oct 05, 2012 @ 01:11:23
I’m so glad you decided to stick with it today, Marcy. i think we know when it’s time to quit. And that sometimes when we say we’re quitting, it’s just a much needed break. Glad you’re still sticking with the rest of us insane people. 🙂
Oct 05, 2012 @ 02:30:40
Hehe. Sometimes there’s a fine line between insanity and genius, eh?
Oct 05, 2012 @ 12:01:20
As I read your post, I thought, yeah, I’ve felt that. Then, I realized. My commitment to writing has waxed and waned. I’ve put writing off for long periods of time while I tried to get other avenues of my life to pull together again. But I’ve never said I want to quit writing. I’ve bemoaned the fact that I didn’t win the lottery (that I don’t enter) or that I have to work this mundane job or that one, or whined about the crappy luck I have had where one thing after another pulls me away from writing, but never once have I said or thought that I want to quit writing.
I’ve recently resigned a job that I loved, stepped down from the leadership role I was in, because it took too much energy away from my writing.
So, that definition of insanity – if you keep doing the same thing and thinking you’ll get a different result? I try not to do the same thing. I try to learn from each novel or story or even journal entry that I write. I strive to do it differently, hopefully better, each time. Perhaps that’s true insanity – convincing myself that I’m doing it better. 🙂
Oct 06, 2012 @ 01:02:51
I’m of the belief that we’ll eventually succeed as long as we keep trying, and that yes, we are getting closer and making progress, even if it doesn’t seem that way. If I quit, I know I’d have the same self-doubt, and it’s just that the words would change: “Would I have succeeded if only I didn’t quit? Was I right on the edge of ‘making it’?” Quitting wouldn’t make me feel any better, so I don’t. 🙂
*hugs* Marcy, I like you too much. You can’t quit. 🙂
Oct 07, 2012 @ 15:36:25
Very thought provoking post, Marcy. I’ve never thought of quitting, but I often wonder if I’m doing what I should or spinning my wheels. That mostly has to do with social media stuff. I write because I have to. There are characters who need their stories told, so I sit down every day to write because I’m driven to it. I don’t write for fame or fortune and maybe that makes it easier to not want to quit. Rejection sucks. There’s no easy way around it, but like August says, each no is a step forward, so keep taking those steps, even if they are baby steps or faltering steps. Persistence is far better than quitting. Besides, what is there that you’d rather be doing than writing? For me the answer is: nothing.
Oct 07, 2012 @ 20:35:48
So well said, Marcy, in content and in voice. You nailed what a lot of us have felt.
I don’t know if I’ll ever have a novel published. I’m not even sure I care. But I will write fiction anyway, for my own sanity. I will enjoy the gift, because it makes me come alive.
But you — in the words of Samwise Gamgee to Frodo near the end of it all, “Don’t you dare give up!” The enemy of our souls and of our joy shouts the loudest and the most convincingly just before our breakthroughs.
Oct 07, 2012 @ 22:13:54
…What if you want it GOOD enough to keep going toward that vision of WONDERFUL dancing in your head… just out of reach?!
I think the language we use reinforces our understanding of the work we put into a goal. If you say it’s a bad enough want… vs saying it’s still a goal you cherish… I think it changes the energy we put into reaching it, and the way we feel about the journey. I so hope you win!
Oct 08, 2012 @ 05:28:02
I needed this today. Thanks!
Oct 12, 2012 @ 02:24:08
Everything you’ve written here is where all of us are or have been. And, we can’t quit, can we? I did once. Twenty-five years ago after a dozen rejection letters, a Bible study I wrote got a second look. It was such a small thread of hope, but I thought, “Finally! Something, someone actually likes!” But after weeks of waiting, it was turned down. I was crushed. I decided that I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t any good as a writer. Besides, I was teacher to my four children at home. Wasn’t that enough? So I quit. Oh, I still wrote things here and there (I couldn’t help myself), but I didn’t try to send anything out. Now, after the past year and a half of serious writing, I don’t ever want to quit again. And even if I never get books published, I love writing! So there. Glad you haven’t quit. Don’t!
Oct 26, 2012 @ 04:16:55
Fabulous post. Fabulous comments. I’m very late at getting over here – thanks to Natalie’s shout out. This obviously is a topic to which all writers can relate. Thanks for providing the opportunity for such excellent exchanges. Keep on writing!