Do You Ever Wish You Were Someone Else?
By Marcy Kennedy (@MarcyKennedy)
I used to wish I was more like other people. I wanted to be funny like my brother. Smart like the people on Jeopardy. I wanted the fashion sense of my cousins, and the patience of my grandma. Basically, I wished I was like everyone but me.
What I forgot was how terrible it would actually be if the world was full of identical people.
When my husband first interested me in playing World of Warcraft, an MMORPG (massively multi-player online role playing games), my first lesson was that I’d have to choose a role to play.
Many MMORPGs have what they call the “holy trinity” of three roles—tanks, healers, and DPSs. My character could only play one role at a time.
Tanks, as their name suggests, take the heavy damage. They get up close and allow the bad guy to beat on them, distracting his attention from their teammates.
DPS, short for damage per second, are the high damage dealers. They’re often unable to take a lot of damage themselves, but the tank and healers in the group depend on them to kill the bad guy.
Healers (obviously) heal. Without them, the evil mobs would kill the rest of the group before they could get the job done. Keeping everyone alive requires a sharp eye and a good sense of balance.
Most people who play prefer one role over the others because each comes with a specific play style. And just because you’re good at one role doesn’t mean you’ll be any good at the others. Healers often make terrible DPS, DPS often make terrible tanks, and tanks often make terrible healers.
But if you want to clear a dungeon or beat a raid boss, your group needs all three classes because each role brings something unique.
In life, like in World of Warcraft, we each bring something unique to the table, something not everyone else can do.
And it wasn’t until my wedding, when my maid of honor gave her speech, that I realized other people were wishing they were like me in the same way I was wishing I was like someone else.
Perhaps I didn’t have my brother’s sense of humor, but I have an ability to notice and organize details that he doesn’t. Perhaps I’ll never have my cousins’ fashion sense, but I can write and play the flute. I don’t have the saint-like patience of my grandma, but I do have a knack for seeing the best in people, even when they can’t see it in themselves.
And the world needs those things too. Just like it needs your unique talents.
What talent, ability, or quality do you wish you had? What are you really good at that you sometimes take for granted?
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Dec 03, 2012 @ 12:36:47
Oh, yes, this used to be a big problem for me! I always wanted to be someone else, most often one of my friends who seemed to have everything come easily. But you are right. We all have great qualities that can be easier to see when we look at the big picture. Sometimes it does take someone else to see them. I feel like we have something of a low-self-esteem crisis in our culture and that is part of why we compare ourselves with everyone else. But once we learn to love and appreciate ourselves, we can see how wonderful we are. Great post!
Dec 03, 2012 @ 17:02:34
I think one of the most important reasons to surround ourselves with really great people and really great friends is that they not only bring out the best in us, but they also help us see the good that’s already there. If we were in the lives of the people we so envy, we’d probably be looking at someone else entirely and still thinking, “I wish I was more like her.” So the best thing we can do is find that way to be happy with us.
Dec 03, 2012 @ 14:09:15
Love this! I’ve spent my life wishing I was someone else, usually in regard to body type. If only I was skinny, the world would be perfect and full of sunshine and happiness. I truly do believe skinny people are happy simply because they are..well, skinny. Yes, it’s warped. I know it’s not true, but that doesn’t stop me watching the pretty girls go by and wishing I was one of them.
However, I bet you’re right in that those pretty, skinny girls (and of course, you HAVE to be skinny to be pretty, it’s a rule) don’t have my sense of humor, or they might not be able to write or use a camera or get all up in crafty things. Who knows, maybe they wish they were me! I doubt it, but maybe LOL
I do believe the drive or wish to be someone else is one of the main reasons I’m addicted to reading and why I love to write. In those moments, I get to BE someone else. And it’s wonderful 🙂 Whenever I finish a good book I find myself truly wishing I could crawl into that world and become that person. Until the next book of course, and then I want to be THAT person. Hmmm, maybe I should have been an actress!
Oh, and I’m DPS all the way :-D. I have a healer, but you’re right…I”m not great at it LOL. And I’m afraid to tank. All those people watching me and getting mad when I do it wrong…don’t like it!
Dec 03, 2012 @ 17:00:34
Ahh, yes. Appearance. Don’t even get me started. I went so far as to become anorexic for years because I equated skinny with beautiful. But even when I was skinny, I was wishing I was skinnier, and that I had better hair, and that I had a smaller nose.
Appearance is probably the area where I still struggle the most with wanting to be someone else.
Dec 03, 2012 @ 16:00:33
Definitely. I think a lot of us do that, especially when we’re younger. For me, anyway, I’ve become a lot more comfortable in my own skin as I’ve gotten older.
Great post!
Dec 03, 2012 @ 16:58:53
It took me a little while to get comfortable in my own skin too. The older I get, the braver and more comfortable I become with just being me.
Dec 03, 2012 @ 16:22:55
When I was in college, I wanted to be Ritchie Blackmore, because he was such an awesome guitarist! 😀 I also wanted to be the girl who drove a convertible BMW, was pretty, had awesome hair, awesome clothes, and was one of the few people in my painting class who got A’s. But now, I’m pretty OK with who I am. Yet it feels really weird when my daughter will tell me about friends who wish *they* were me!
Dec 03, 2012 @ 17:09:28
I wonder what it is about being human that makes us prone to looking at others like that? Or is it a modern phenomenon?
Dec 03, 2012 @ 16:57:43
Great post, Marcy! Yes, I learned this several years back. There was one woman in my neighborhood who used to have it all together–or so it seemed. One time she asked me to stop by to help her with a problem, and I saw what her house looked like when it *wasn’t* cleaned up. Gee, it looked just like mine. 😉
I now have people asking me how I do it all. I fully admit that I flail randomly–it just looks like a plan. LOL!
Dec 03, 2012 @ 17:06:02
I’ve had people asking me “how do you do it all?” too. It always surprises me. And I can’t help but think that if they saw the dust dobermans (the ones who ate the cute dust bunnies and grew like the Hulk), they wouldn’t think I had it all together.
Things look very different from the outside in than they do on the inside 🙂 It helps me to remember that.
Dec 03, 2012 @ 18:55:26
I’m now in love with the term Dust Dobermans 😀
Dec 03, 2012 @ 17:24:51
I used to wish I were other people in younger years but not now for a long time. I like being me…and having survived all the hardships and detours to get to my place in life now. I am doing what I love, writing books, and I AM loved by my family…plus surrounded by wonderful peers and friends. I feel truly blessed and I hope it only gets better! I will never have all I want, just as I know others may never have all that I have..and I can accept that. 🙂
I like your thought that it takes unique people to make up this world – would be awfully bland if otherwise! I think my best talent now is being a good mom, and I keep striving to do that each and every day.
Dec 04, 2012 @ 02:53:44
Being a good mom is one of the most important jobs in the world. And not everyone can be a good mom so that is a wonderful talent and a gift you’re giving your children 🙂
Dec 03, 2012 @ 21:53:20
I love how you tie in playing World of Warcraft with accepting who you are. I’ve never played it yet I can relate to the concept of not being able to be everything all at once. Being comfortable in your own skin, in the here and now is gift we give ourselves.
Dec 04, 2012 @ 02:49:35
That’s what I was trying to do, so I’m glad I accomplished it. And I’m glad you enjoyed the post!
Dec 03, 2012 @ 23:40:09
Lesson well learned. Just be yourself!
I have often wished I was like someone else too, until I saw their life. Then mine didn’t look quite so bad.
We all have something interesting to offer so let’s just be who we’re meant to be!
Nice post, Marcy.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
Dec 04, 2012 @ 02:48:39
Grass is always greener, eh 🙂 Thanks Patricia!
Dec 04, 2012 @ 10:48:39
I’m glad you were able to hear about how people wished they were like you, Marcy. And what a great time to hear it…at your wedding!
While I have never been good at video games, I can relate to wishing I could choose to be someone else. At least when I was younger. Now I just wish to be a better version of myself.
Dec 04, 2012 @ 14:10:56
It was a real surprise for me, but along with my husband’s love, it really helped me continue along the path to being happy as me. Like you said, now I get to focus on being the best version of me and that’s such an exciting feeling.
Dec 06, 2012 @ 04:43:24
There was this girl in college with long blond hair that, honest to goodness, shimmered, and bounced on her butt when she walked. Oh man! There was always some guy walking ten feet behind her with longing in his eyes. Oh, how I longed for good hair.
Fun posts, and impressive comments. Some of your responders note that age is a good cure for envy and I agree. You live long enough to see the full arc, birth to death, and one day you embrace the idea that just being alive is pretty great. Cheers!
Dec 07, 2012 @ 04:21:33
Thanks, Julia 🙂 I’ve had hair envy before too. My hair is thick and wavy, which means I can end up looking like a poodle who had a really bad experience with a flat iron. A couple of years ago I found a great stylist who can really bring out my natural curl and now I kind of like my hair just the way it is 🙂