Should We Bother Making Resolutions?
By Marcy Kennedy (@MarcyKennedy)
What does it say about human nature that we continue to make resolutions every January even when year after year we fail to keep them?
Maybe that failure isn’t such a bad thing.
In Season 3 of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, a teenage character named Nog wants to apply to Starfleet academy to become an officer. This wouldn’t be strange except for one thing.
Nog is a Ferengi.
For those of you not familiar with the Star Trek world, Ferengi are motivated by profit. Their self-worth depends on how business savvy they are. No Feregi has ever joined Starfleet because there’s no profit in it. They’re not even members of the United Federation of Planets.
But Nog wants something different. His father doesn’t have the “lobes for business” and Nog knows he doesn’t either. He doesn’t want to spend his life a failure.
So he decides to apply for Starfleet. Everyone tells Nog he won’t make it. Before he can even apply, he has to pass a battery of pre-tests. He fails. And fails again.
When it comes to the resolutions we make, the goals we set for ourselves, whether we make them at the beginning of the year or some other time, many of us are like Nog. Failure after failure piles up.
But we keep making them for a simple reason.
Making resolutions, setting goals, even if we fail, means we want to be better. (Tweet that)
Nog wanted to join Starfleet because he wanted something better for himself.
I used to rebel against resolutions and talk about how stupid they were. After all, if you really wanted to change, wouldn’t you just change? And didn’t most people break their resolutions before January was over anyway?
But my thinking has shifted a little recently. Whether we want to call them resolutions or goals, whether we make them in January or July, it’s important for us to be regularly evaluating our lives, deciding what we’re unhappy with, and figuring out what we can actively do to try to make those things better.
If I’m being honest, part of my past rebellion against “resolutions” was my fear of setting a goal I couldn’t reach. (I am a type A perfectionist after all.) I didn’t want to embarrass myself with a failure. I didn’t want to face the disappointment of wanting something and not achieving it.
That attitude won’t get me anywhere. So I’ve set some extremely ambitious goals for myself this year. And maybe I will fail. But at least I’ll have tried. At least I’ll be one step closer to being who I want to be and to having the kind of life I want to have.
What’s one big goal you’ve set for this year? Do you hate resolutions?
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Image Credit: Miguel Saavedra (from sxc.hu)
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Jan 14, 2013 @ 12:34:36
I used to feel the same way about resolutions until this year when I realized they could be the same as goals. I think you are right on. We do need to be evaluating ourselves and our lives to see if we are on track with who we want to be and how we want to live our lives. My resolution this year was to go back to CrossFit because it’s the one workout I love. And I couldn’t be happier with my decision!
Jan 14, 2013 @ 13:38:04
It’s sounded like CrossFit really made exercise fun for you, so I’m glad you’re back at it. The biggest problem my husband is having right now is finding something in our rural area that he really enjoys for exercise. We’re thinking about buying skating passes at the local arena 🙂
Jan 14, 2013 @ 15:24:51
I don’t do New year’s Resolutions. I find other times of the year more inspiring for new beginnings. A birthday, a change of season, a failure, disappointment or success – these are the times I’m inspired to try something new. At the end of the year it’s dark and cold and I’m worn out from the holiday festivities…But spring is coming. I’m sure I’ll have a new leaf to turn over by then.
Jan 14, 2013 @ 15:27:03
I agree. I’m not tied to the timing so much as the need to take stock, adjust course, and set new goals. Best of luck with your spring goals!
Jan 14, 2013 @ 15:53:28
I agree, Marcy. Tough as it is to face the big bad notion of failure, it’s tougher to accept mediocrity.
Jan 14, 2013 @ 18:00:03
Exactly! I try to put my whole heart into everything I do, and to do it as well as I can. Failure will happen, but it will also make us better for next time 🙂
Jan 14, 2013 @ 17:39:34
I’m all about setting goals. Call them resolutions, dreams, intentions, whatever, I like the idea of putting an idea down on paper and working toward it. This year I’ve set a goal of completing four books. Two are in final edit stages, one is in first draft, and the last is only in my mind.
I have other goals I want to accomplish this year, but that’s my big one.
I’m loving Chad’s quote above. Mediocrity isn’t an option, at least not for me.
Jan 14, 2013 @ 18:02:49
I’ve set myself a 5,000 words per week goal. I know that might seem small since some people can do that in a day or two. However, my 5,000 words/week need to be non-blog words, non-client words, and non-co-written-book words. They’re words for me, on my projects. That makes it a challenge for me.
Jan 14, 2013 @ 20:35:46
That’s the funny thing about goals ~ they are ours and ours alone. Those 5,000 words will feel so good at the end of the week because it was something you did just for yourself. Good for you!
Jan 14, 2013 @ 20:41:51
I think setting goals is just a way of keeping score with ourselves. For someone like my husband, it’s all a game and keeping score is his way of knowing if the game is over. Everything is a competition, if only with himself. I suppose that’s true of a lot of men. They teach them to do that in utero.
At any rate, I don’t mind setting goals but I have a hard time setting the date for the goal. For instance, I want to publish the sequel to my debut novel in the spring. But I don’t want to put a set date on it…so many factors are out of my control that I know it would stress me out to put a date. And yet, if I don’t put that day…will I finish it in time to publish in the spring? What, exactly, is spring anyway?
Maybe if I went ahead and set the date, it would get me off my rear. Hmmm.
I do think writing them down and maybe posting them where you see them every day is a good motivational tool.
Jan 14, 2013 @ 20:56:26
Maybe you could just choose a month rather than a day. That way you have a deadline to keep you accountable and moving forward, but you also have a little flexibility to accommodate the items that are out of your control 🙂
Jan 14, 2013 @ 23:17:52
I don’t like resolutions, although you’re right – it’s really just a matter of semantics. “Resolutions” seems so black and white – once you break them, they’re done.
My big goal for the year is to publish two novels!
Jan 14, 2013 @ 23:26:14
That’s way I don’t like to include words like “never” or “always” in any resolution/goal I make. I know I’m not going to achieve anything perfectly, so I want to give myself a little grace.
Good luck with the two novels. I’m sure you’ll be able to meet your goal 🙂
Jan 15, 2013 @ 00:05:40
No big resolutions this year. Just some little things I’d like to do more of. Nothing catastrophic will happen if I don’t do them more, but I’ll feel really great if they do.
I hope you stick to your resolutions and reap fantastic rewards!
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
Jan 15, 2013 @ 03:24:19
Thanks!
Jan 15, 2013 @ 02:07:28
I like the idea of assessing where we are versus where we want to be. I’ve declared resolutions in the past, but never went the next step: breaking them down into actionable plans with deadlines. I’ve never been purposeful with my resolutions/goals.
Till this year! One of my goals is to shed 50 pounds in 2013, which means dropping 3-5 pounds per month, or approximately 1 pound per week. This is manageable. 50 pounds is too much, too far away. But 1 measly pound? easy-cheesy.
I also try to set some goals higher than necessary, to trick myself into achieving at least SOMETHING versus NOTHING. For example, on paper I’ve written that I want to walk/jog 2 miles per day. I know full well I’m not going out every day. But every day I have the chance to work myself that direction, and I end up going about 3 times per week. So why not instead set my goals for 3x per week? Because 3x per week would likely mean Mon-Wed-Fri… which in turn means I wouldn’t even consider throwing on my sneaks and heading outside any of the other days of the week. So I’m aiming for 7 days per week, but quite pleased with the 3 days I actually do the work.
Jan 15, 2013 @ 03:28:07
Wow! I love the two strategies you’re using. I never thought about overshooting on purpose, but you know what–you’re absolutely right. That’s genius. I know there are a couple goals I’ve set that I could set the bar higher for, and I’m going to go back and do that 😀
Jan 15, 2013 @ 20:42:27
I always have goal-lists and making one at the beginning of a new year is a sure bet. (Although I haven’t written it out yet, it is in my head.)
Outside of my specific writing and business goals, my main goal (or resolution if you will) is to continue to live with no regrets. I don’t want to leave something behind me that I should have done or not done. If I focus on living with a positive purpose, I shouldn’t be too far off from happy and content!
Jan 16, 2013 @ 03:05:28
Marcy, I cannot believe how much you and I are alike. I too am a type A perfectionist. How do I live with myself besides my DH? And I hate setting goals. I hate failure. So if I don’t make any goals, I can’t fail, right? But that doesn’t work either. So, I’m taking baby steps. On thing at a time. That’s all I can handle at the moment. I totally understand where you’re coming from. Hang in there Marcy. I know we can do it! 🙂