Are Small Things As Valuable as Grand Gestures?
By Marcy Kennedy (@MarcyKennedy)
We often underestimate the power in small things.
In “In the Cards,” an episode in the fifth season of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, everyone on the space station is feeling frightened and depressed due to the deteriorating situation with the Dominion (a powerful force from a different quadrant that wants to enslave their quadrant).
Jake, son of the station’s Captain Sisko, is worried about his father and decides to cheer him up by buying him a mint-condition Willie Mays baseball card at an auction. Unfortunately, someone with more money buys the card out from under him. When Jake and his friend Nog try to buy the card directly, the man says he won’t sell—but he might trade if they could get him the items on a list he gives them.
Jake and Nog go around the station, exchanging favors for the items. Finish Chief O’Brian’s work so he can take some much needed time off. Rescue a teddy bear. Remove the feedback from some Klingon opera. Help write a speech.
Each favor they trade is small, and the boys don’t think anything of it because they’re focused on acquiring the baseball card. They’re so focused they miss what’s going on around them. The mood of the station is changing.
The people they helped are feeling happier and more hopeful, and they, in turn, are spreading that happiness and hope to others.
It got me thinking about how I react when I know someone is struggling. I’m a fixer by nature, so if I can’t think of a way to solve their main problem or if there’s no way for me to solve their problem (since I can’t cure cancer and I’m not independently wealthy), I often freeze. I don’t know what to do.
I’m so focused on making the grand gesture that I miss all the little things that would have cheered them up and made life just a bit more bearable, no matter what else they were facing.
One time I came out of a fundraising dinner on a cold, Ontario winter night. Rain had turned to freezing rain had turned to ice during the dinner. I was dressed in a knee-length skirt and open-toe heels, shivering already from the short walk across the lot, and my heart sank at the thought of struggling to chip the ice off my windshield so I could safely drive home. But when I reached my vehicle, the man who’d parked next to me was just finishing clearing off my windows. I didn’t have to do anything but get in and drive away. It made all the difference to me.
A new book for them to read while sick. A $5 Starbuck’s gift card tucked anonymously into their mail box. A funny card.
Every day is filled with the “little” opportunities to make a difference.
What little thing did someone do for you lately that made all the difference? Better yet, what little thing are you going to do for someone else today?
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Feb 11, 2013 @ 15:58:02
This is a great post! I had a similar situation where I found out something terrible that someone was going through and I wanted to fix it. I tried to think about the biggest thing I could do…and then luckily I thought of something smaller, and something I believe will be more meaningful because other people are involved. I’m glad i thought past that first grand gesture, because sometimes smaller is better! 🙂
Angela
Feb 11, 2013 @ 23:28:03
I’m pathologically helpful, so I feel the need to “fix” things as well. Luckily, I know not to drive myself crazy by chasing after the true fix, which is often too big for me to accomplish. 🙂
Instead, I often just offer support and understanding with a few (hopefully) helpful tips thrown in. For example, someone linked to my blog post about writer burnout this morning. I went and checked out their blog and it sounds like they’re stuck in the midst of some major blahs.
I pointed out some things they’d written in their post that might give them insight into their blahs and shared a couple of suggestions. And then I let them know my suggestions were merely what I’d do if I were them based on my experience of when I’d been where they are now–in other words, they weren’t alone. It’s a little thing, but sometimes that’s all people need to feel hope. 🙂
Feb 12, 2013 @ 00:00:35
I do the same thing as you when faced with a situation I can’t fix! Doing something small usually doesn’t even occur to me. I have to make an effort to think of things like this, but I try. My brother is in the process of starting a business right now, and is stressed about other things too. He knows I’m ready to build his website when he gets me the info I need, but until then, I try to email every now and then just to ask how things are going. Great reminder of how the small gestures DO matter!
Feb 12, 2013 @ 20:51:10
Call me crazy (and trust me, you wouldn’t be the first), but I love the small gestures. Sure, the grand gestures are fun, but it’s the little things that have the most meaning. Those are the moments when you know someone truly likes you. When I had my foot surgery, a friend brought over a stack of trashy magazines and some funny games. It was awesome. Yes, I appreciated the folks who brought food so my husband wouldn’t have to cook every night, but I truly valued those magazine and games because my friend new I’d be bored out of my skull being stuck inside and not able to walk. I try to repay the favor whenever I can. Not just to her, but anyone who needs a little pick me up. Great post, Marcy! Now I feel like sending out notes to my friends for no particular reason than to let them know I’m thinking of them.
Feb 13, 2013 @ 03:26:35
I love this post, Marcy. I’m a big fan of the little things and I get discouraged sometimes when I don’t stop to do them. I needed this little reminder. 🙂
Feb 13, 2013 @ 08:57:38
After a difficult and painful dental extraction, a friend brought me a jar of homemade chicken soup…and some of the rolls she makes from scratch, because she knew my jaw was so sore it would be agony to chew much of anything for a few days.
This same friend brought over a bag with toilet paper, tissues, and a few other basic things because she knew I had out of town guests staying with me following the death of a close family member. She didn’t want me to have to worry about things like that.
She is the person I try to be like because she really puts a lot of thought into what will help the most. I mean really…who thinks about needing extra toilet paper in the middle of a tragedy? Or cares enough to know make sure you don’t starve because you can’t chew much after having a tooth pulled?
Yeah, I vote for the little things. 🙂
Feb 13, 2013 @ 12:25:12
Another post where you are right on! I really do think it’s the smaller things that make the bigger difference. I have realized lately that people making small comments at work about how they appreciate that I am there really make it so much better to go in. I feel like I am a part of something, like my being there matters. That is so much bigger than the certificate and bottle of wine I “won” at my last job. Small and sincere can make such a difference. And like anything small, eventually it adds up to something big. 🙂
Feb 13, 2013 @ 22:41:07
“It got me thinking about how I react when I know someone is struggling. I’m a fixer by nature, so if I can’t think of a way to solve their main problem…I often freeze. I don’t know what to do.
I’m so focused on making the grand gesture that I miss all the little things that would have cheered them up.”
Marcy, I don’t think you’re alone in this. If we’re a sensitive person, we feel for what others are going through. Especially if we’ve gone through something similiar in our own life. But just letting the other person know that we care can make a huge difference. It means that we are thinking about them and that we care and they are not alone. It’s like a verbal hug! 🙂