Is Anger Always A Bad Thing?
By Marcy Kennedy (@MarcyKennedy)
Too often we’re made to think that anger is a negative emotion, one we should avoid because it’s weak or shows a lack of self-control.
You can see it in The Avengers in the way Dr. Bruce Banner is treated. His character is a personification of anger. If Banner gets angry, he turns into a giant green monster capable of breaking an entire city.
When we first meet Banner in The Avengers, he’s working as a doctor in the slums of Calcutta. S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Natasha Romanoff tricks him into coming to a deserted hut on the edge of the city. The hut is secretly surrounded by snipers just in case Banner loses control.
Banner ducks inside, and she steps out of the shadows.
“For a man who’s supposed to be avoiding stress,” she says, “you picked a hell of a place to settle.”
Banner turns around. “Avoiding stress isn’t the secret.”
“What’s the secret then?”
Banner doesn’t tell her how he’s managed to go a year without turning into the Hulk, and throughout the movie, that becomes the question.
The others either tiptoe around him, try to provoke him to expose his “secret,” or they take protective measures in case he does get angry. (Measures that include a giant cage that will drop him from the sky.)
We treat anger the same way in our lives. We block it off, pretend we aren’t angry when we are, or try to learn techniques and tricks to keep from getting angry.
But the secret isn’t to keep from becoming angry.
At the end of the movie, the Avengers line up to fight the alien army set to invade earth.
“Dr. Banner,” Captain America says, “now might be a really good time for you to get angry.”
Banner strides toward the aliens. “That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always angry.”
Everyone thought that Banner had discovered some way to keep from getting angry and that was how he prevented himself from becoming the Hulk.
The truth was he hadn’t purged his anger. He’d learned how to control it. By the end of the movie, he’d even learned how to harness it and redirect it for good.
Feeling angry isn’t wrong. Anger is merely an emotion. Sometimes it can even be healthy if we’re angry over injustice or true evil. And denying it or hiding it won’t make it go away.
It’s what we do with anger that matters. (Click here if you’d like to tweet that.)
Do we allow our anger to hurt and destroy? Or do we channel it into righting wrongs?
It’s the difference between a father who goes out and murders the drunk driver who killed his only daughter and a father who finds a way to bring about stricter punishments for drunk drivers and establishes a safe ride program in his town. Both were justified in their anger. But one used it for evil while the other used it for good.
It’s the difference between saying something cruel back to a person who’s hurt our feelings and using that anger to remind us how not to treat other people.
It’s the difference between screaming at our spouse because we feel like they never help us around the house and letting that anger be our cue that it’s time to have a painfully honest talk about weaknesses in the marriage that we need to work on.
What do you think? Is it alright to get angry? Or should we work on trying to purge ourselves of anger?
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Mar 04, 2013 @ 14:16:32
Great topic, Marcy. It’s funny I actually have called myself Hulk in regards to anger. Last year I had to take a medication for the better part of the year that basically had anger as a side effect. I had not even the tiniest of fuses left. That in itself was maddening!! 🙂
I try not to yell, that’s the part I don’t like about being angry, but I think stuffing emotions down can be detrimental to mental health. Talking it out either with trusted friends or a therapist, or finding healthy outlets is probably better. One of my kids likes to run when they are stressed.
Thanks Marcy!
Mar 06, 2013 @ 13:40:37
I should have thought to ask my husband whether I have a long fuse or a short one 🙂 I love what you said about outlets. I do know that I’m someone who tends to be a venter. Allow me to vent to someone safe, and that’s usually all I need to deal with it. If I have to go to bed without working through it though, I won’t be able to sleep at all.
Mar 04, 2013 @ 14:36:38
Hi Marcy!
Anger is such an important topic. If you let it fester, it boils over – and like Coleen said, it’s not good for your mental health. But if you release your anger without thinking over how best to purge it, then you’ll end up with regret. I personally think it’s completely okay to feel angry. It’s a regular human emotion that everyone feels at some point. I think it’s *how* the anger’s handled is where many of us can go wrong.
I try to use my anger to fuel something positive. When I’m mad at my husband, I clean the house. Or if it’s a coworker, I usually take a break and go for a 5-minute walk. I haven’t been as great about it lately as I should be, so this post served as a much-needed reminder for me. 🙂
Mar 06, 2013 @ 13:58:21
Like so many things, it’s about finding that balance, isn’t it 🙂 I try to use anger to motivate good things as well. I can have a sharp tongue, so I try to remind myself to stop and think before I say something I’ll later want to take back.
Mar 04, 2013 @ 19:44:58
“It’s what we do with anger that matters.”
Great point. When we are in control of our choices, then we have the power to make better ones. Great blog post. 🙂
Mar 06, 2013 @ 13:43:32
Thanks 🙂 I think that’s what really niggles at me when people say “No one can make you angry. You’re in control of your own emotions.” The truth is we can’t always stop ourselves from feeling an emotion, and we shouldn’t. We’re not robots. Feeling emotions is natural. What we should be taught is how to control the choices we make when we’re feeling those emotions. We have the power to make good choices about what we do based on our feelings.
Mar 04, 2013 @ 22:08:35
I think everyone gets angry or angrier – it is such a human emotion. The difference, though is in how we handle it.
Mar 06, 2013 @ 13:44:25
I agree with you. I think anyone who says they don’t get angry is deceiving themselves. Perhaps they have a longer fuse than most, but if you don’t feel anger over certain things, there’s probably something very wrong with you.
Mar 05, 2013 @ 00:40:19
I think we have to be sure not to let any anger we feel get into our heart or our core. We don’t have to become the green-rage monster to control it or let it go. Such a thoughtful post, Marcy!
Mar 06, 2013 @ 13:51:07
Letting anger fester without dealing with it can be extremely dangerous. We’re more likely to blow up and become a green rage monster if we have piles of pent up anger that we’ve never dealt with.
Mar 06, 2013 @ 00:46:30
Anger has its place. Like you said, anger due to injustice is warranted. 🙂
Mar 06, 2013 @ 13:46:28
Precisely. I think we actually should get angry over some things. For example, from a Christian perspective, we should get angry over the things that would anger God.
Mar 06, 2013 @ 05:37:00
I agree with the point you’re making, but there’s something I’d like to mention in regards to anger.
I’ve found that often, anger signals a lack of understanding. Often, when you truly understand why someone has done something, it becomes much more difficult to be angry with them.
Mar 06, 2013 @ 13:47:25
Excellent point. When we understand why someone did something, it’s much easier to forgive them and move on. We can hope that others will extend that same understanding to us when we wrong them.
Mar 06, 2013 @ 13:12:41
Ha! I just watched the Avengers so I actually get the movie reference this time. I feel like a star student! And I completely agree with you about anger. That is what I am always telling kids. It is ok to be angry. We should feel our feelings. It is what we do with the anger that makes the difference. So many kids are told not to be angry and the truth is, that just makes them angrier. And the people who push it down usually become passive-agressive which is not fun to deal with. I’d rather deal honestly with my feelings when they first come up. 🙂
Mar 06, 2013 @ 13:49:40
I hope you liked it 🙂
I’ve always found it troubling to hear parents telling their children things like “it’s not worth getting angry over.” Telling people not to feel what they feel or that their feelings are wrong isn’t helpful at all. I’m glad you’re focusing on teaching your students the importance instead of acknowledging their feelings and then dealing with them in a healthy way.