What Is Head Hopping and How Can We Avoid It?
By Marcy Kennedy (@MarcyKennedy)
In my continuing series on point of view, I promised I’d explain the difference between omniscient POV and head hopping. Before I do that, we need to get one thing out of the way.
Head-hopping is never good. Sometimes an author can get away with it, but it’s never ideal and it never makes your story stronger. Never.
Omniscient POV, on the other hand, is a valid point of view for fiction. It might not be the most popular or the most commonly used in 21st century fiction, but there’s nothing wrong with it. And some stories are even best told in it.
Obviously, the tricky part for most writers is telling them apart. I’m going to show you the secret for keeping them straight.
To be head hopping, a passage needs to meet two criteria:
(1) The viewpoint shifts between characters without a proper transition (e.g. a scene break).
(2) The thoughts/feelings of the characters are given in their voices rather than in the author’s voice.
Now that you know the definition of head hopping, you’ll be able to run everything through its filter to decide if a passage is head hopping or genuinely omniscient POV.
Omniscient POV will be written in the author’s voice. The characters’ feelings and thoughts will be filtered through the author narrator.
Head hopping will be in the characters’ voices, and you’ll go back and forth without a proper transition.
Let me give you an example of head hopping so you can see it in action…
Jack rolled down the window half an inch, a smirk spreading across his face. The slut would never find her way back without him, and no one would find her until the coyotes had picked her bones clean.
Anna yanked at the door handle. Her chest felt heavy, her lungs unwilling to suck in a full breath. “Unlock the door, Jake. This isn’t funny anymore.”
Jake’s cold blue eyes stared into hers. After all she’d made him suffer through, he was going to enjoy this moment. Savor it like a medium rare T-bone steak.
Now let’s break it apart.
Jack rolled down the window half an inch, a smirk spreading across his face. Sounds like we’re in someone else’s POV here. Someone who’s watching Jake. If we were in Jake’s POV, this would read Jake rolled down the window half an inch and smirked. The slut would never find her way back without him, and no one would find her until the coyotes had picked her bones clean. We’re hearing Jake’s thoughts in Jake’s voice. It’s him, not the author, thinking of Anna as a “slut.”
Anna yanked at the door handle. Her chest felt heavy, her lungs unwilling to suck in a full breath. Now we’re firmly in Anna’s head. Only she can describe how her chest feels and the dread settling there. “Unlock the door, Jake. This isn’t funny anymore.”
Jake’s cold blue eyes stared into hers. Still in Anna’s POV since she’s the one who can see Jake’s eye color. After all she’d made him suffer through, he was going to enjoy this moment. Savor it like a rare T-bone steak. Jake’s thoughts in Jake’s voice again.
Head hopping damages your story because it makes the writing feel choppy. Readers constantly need to pause, however slightly, and figure out who they’re supposed to identify with. They’re often left feeling disconnected entirely. Even if they don’t know what to call head hopping, they’ll know something is off and that they have a difficult time connecting emotionally with the characters/narrator. Readers need to connect emotionally with either the characters (in first person POV and third person POV) or with the author narrator (in omniscient POV).
Update: Turns out Jami Gold, one of my favorite bloggers and fellow WANA instructors, wrote a post back in February all about using transitions to avoid head hopping. Make sure you check it out!
Do you have any questions about omniscient POV or head hopping before we move on? Any questions on POV in general are also welcome!
Interested in more ways to improve your writing? Deep Point of View
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Nov 12, 2013 @ 13:47:07
Hi Marcy,
POV has always been my nemesis, so I work hard at doing it right. My POV (pardon the writing pun) is that a change in POV from one character to another, if necessary, DEFINES a scene change because the scene, even if the setting changes, has changed–character A’s POV always will be different than character B’s. It’s like the quantum mechanical interaction between observer and the observed.
I write sci-fi thrillers. Either you have shifting POVs as the story progresses or you use omniscient (I often call this the “God’s-eye view”). For mysteries, I believe it’s best to stay in one character’s POV–that’s easy if you write in the first person. However, in my only mystery novel, I found I needed first person for the main character but third person in their POV for his colleagues.
I thank a reviewer of one of my earlier books for helping me with this, but I really had no excuses–I’ve read and re-read Orson Scott Card’s Characters & Viewpoint, a textbook on the subject in my opinion.
r/Steve
Nov 12, 2013 @ 14:17:26
For me personally, I never change the POV character without a scene break/chapter break. That’s my personal preference, and that’s also what I like when I read for pleasure. It’s clean and avoids confusion.
I really like what you said about how a POV change, even if the setting doesn’t change, necessitates a scene change because the way everything is seen changes. I couldn’t have given a better reason for why I think a scene change is so important when the POV character changes. If you’re writing in a deep or intimate third person, the whole perspective will change because everything will be filtered through a new set of eyes, with a different past, etc. It should feel different.
Nov 12, 2013 @ 13:48:56
I should have said “…even if the setting DOESN’T change,” of course. Where’s my content editor?
Nov 12, 2013 @ 14:02:18
A nice clear way to distinguish between omniscient and head hopping. That authorial voice in a true omniscient is extremely tricky to accomplish and usually doesn’t sound right in contemporary fiction, although Edward P Jones does it pretty magnificently. Helping authors “hear” their head hopping is always a bit of a challenge.
Nov 12, 2013 @ 20:15:00
Too true. It’s always easier to spot it in the work of others than it is to spot it in our own work. That’s where critique groups, beta readers, and good editors come it 🙂
Nov 12, 2013 @ 19:40:03
I fully agree with your take on how head hopping is never good, as well as what makes it different from omni. Well explained! 🙂
Nov 12, 2013 @ 20:09:08
Thanks, Jami 🙂 I think you did a post a few months back on proper transitions, didn’t you? If I can find it, I’ll add it as a link into my post.
Nov 12, 2013 @ 20:15:29
Yes! And you beat me to it. 🙂 Thanks for the link!
Nov 12, 2013 @ 19:40:15
As a multi-published, bestselling author since 1979 – and a creative writing teacher at colleges and universities in US and Canada..I really must take exception. An authors responsibility is to create characters that are so real, so alive, so vivid that readers feel they can contact them, visit their homes, feel their emotions.
I have written in third person shifting for both romance and mystery/thriller genres and have had over a dozen #1 bestsellers. Obviously if you are writing in first person that is limited although some very creative writers these days are ‘creating’ new rules.
But to call it ‘head hopping’ is IMHO a rather ridiculous statement. Just like ‘real’ conversations, between real people – each character/person does think, does react, does speak. It makes a richer story.
And when it’s done correctly, artistically, a writer creates a stunning ‘world’ for the reader to enter.
Omniscient POV is quite old fashioned…but I’ve used it in contemporary novels to immediately set a scene. Maybe because of my writing for TV background…it’s like the over view of the camera that focuses from outer space right into the house and the body on the floor.
There should be no concrete statements when it comes to writing. That just stifles the imagination and the creativity.
Many new writers today have broken the molds and landed on the NYTimes and USA Today Bestsellers lists by taking chances, being creative, doing something different.
Respectfully… Elaine Raco Chase
Nov 12, 2013 @ 20:23:23
Elaine,
Marcy is in no way suggesting that we can’t *shift* POV. I write romance as well, so I include scenes in both the hero and heroine’s POV. The problem is switching without a transition–chapter break, scene break, line break, or baton pass.
Nora Roberts does NOT head hop–even though she’s held up as an example of why head hopping should be “okay.” She does, however, use the very subtle baton pass method. She DOES transitions, not head hops.
And to be honest, without any disrespect meant to La Nora, I dislike that baton pass method as a reader. It takes me out of the story if I have to figure out whose POV this paragraph is in. As a writer, I feel anytime I’ve taken the reader out of the story, I’ve failed at–as you said–making the story and the characters real.
I wouldn’t say authors can’t use that method, but I would say they shouldn’t unless they know how to do it well and if there’s no better way to make the transition.
I hope that clarifies the issue. 🙂
Nov 12, 2013 @ 20:26:51
So yes, Elaine, I use deep 3rd person POV (not omniscient), but I use transitions between my characters’ POVs and don’t head hop from character to character.
This certainly isn’t a choice merely between head hopping and omniscient. *shudder* Neither of those work best for modern romance writing. 🙂
Nov 12, 2013 @ 21:38:50
Interesting thread–I’m always amused by the variety of opinions on POV.
I think Elaine is objecting to a POV change that also involves a change from first to third person. I’m sorry, but I’ve read, reviewed and written enough books to assure everyone that this can be just “as comfortable” as POV shifts that remain in third person–my opinion, of coiurse. If you like, that first person POV is just “deeper” than any of the third person POVs–the author is just telling the reader who’s the important character.
The use of POV is often a simplicity v. complexity issue. I often find novels written in one unique third person POV too simple, even “baby-like” at times. Maybe that’s fine for a middle grade novel, but I find it boring.
The bottom line: if your handling POV gets in the way of your telling of the story to your chosen audience, you’ve failed your readers and maybe lost them in addition. I don’t want to do that–for me, it’s all about telling the story. Everything else is secondary. Fundamentally, we’re like the wandering minstrels of yore, telling our stories to anyone who enjoys a good tale. If you don’t get that story across, no one will throw you any coins for dinner!
Nov 12, 2013 @ 22:35:25
I think I said that Steven LOL! It is always about the story. I don’t mind switching from first person to third at all…. I’m not fond of it but again that’s a personal reading choice. I’m not fond of reading present tense no matter who writes it, my brain just fixes it to past tense for less ‘tense’ reading.
Jami…3rd person shifting has worked very well for me writing modern romances & erotica… and when it’s need omniscient works well too…. just depends on the writer.
I never say never to anything and when I teach I tell my students nothing in writing is ever set in concrete.
We all have our style and that is what writing is all about! How boring it would read if it was all: Dick saw Jane run! Run, Jane, run!
Unless of course Dick is carrying a bloody sword!
Nov 13, 2013 @ 04:54:37
Very true, Elaine. I do what the story needs. 🙂
I have one story in first person present tense (neither of which are my favored approach) because that’s what worked for *that* story.
Nov 13, 2013 @ 18:26:13
LOL, Elaine! Let’s hear it for bloody swords! I wish I’d had you for creative writing in college.
Nov 13, 2013 @ 00:56:56
“Jack rolled down the window half an inch, a smirk spreading across his face.” Sounds like we’re in someone else’s POV here. Someone who’s watching Jake. If we were in Jake’s POV, this would read Jake rolled down the window half an inch and smirked.
Okay, coming from a newbie author who is working on close third person, with a tendency to hop on over to omniscient, I appreciate the way you broke this down in layman’s terms Marcy. It all made sense to me. As I’ve said in the past, you are a good teacher of craft. Which is why I hired you as my editor. Now, off I go to write so that you may have something to edit. {{Hugs!}} 🙂
Nov 13, 2013 @ 18:38:33
I agree, Karen. Marcy is a great teacher, and editor. She has taught me so much about POV. I have a question, and something else I’d like to throw out here.
The question: what are you referring to when you say ‘baton passing,’ whoever said that?
The other thought: I do multiple POV (trying hard to avoid head-hopping). Most of my readers seem to love it. They tell me they like knowing what’s going on in the different characters’ heads. Other authors, when they read my books, sometimes complain that I have too many POV’s.
I’ve been mulling that over as I do final edits on my current WIP and I’ve come to realize that sometimes I want to show the main characters through the eyes of the secondary characters. This is especially true when the main character has just had a very upsetting experience (and I’ve done some deep POV with them to show that upset) but now I need to move the story along. (I write mysteries, btw, so can’t let the pace drag too much.)
Your thoughts on that, Marcy?
Nov 13, 2013 @ 19:26:03
Kassandra,
I give an example of what baton passing means in the article Marcy linked to in the post (in the Update on the bottom). Let me know if you have any questions. 🙂
Nov 14, 2013 @ 11:22:12
Thanks for the explanation. The last book I read was omniscient but it took me awhile to figure that out. It almost seemed like 3rd person, but then I realized it was as if someone from above was looking down and telling all of the stories together. I am not sure if I would want to write in that POV, but I couldn’t tell you why. Maybe it is something I would have to experiment with on the small scale, like a short story. Or maybe it’s just because right now I’m writing in first person, so that seems like the best POV. 🙂
Nov 14, 2013 @ 14:24:57
Omniscient isn’t something I would naturally gravitate to either because, when I write, I prefer to be in close 🙂 I’ve written a few in first person and most in intimate third.
Dec 03, 2013 @ 14:41:24
I’m working on a novel where the POV changes between the two main characters every other chapter. In the example you gave above:
” ‘Jack rolled down the window half an inch, a smirk spreading across his face.’ Sounds like we’re in someone else’s POV here. Someone who’s watching Jake. If we were in Jake’s POV, this would read Jake rolled down the window half an inch and smirked.”
Even if the entire chapter is from (e.g.) Jack’s POV, can you switch between the author’s and the character’s POV within that chapter? Meaning, in a chapter that was all Jack’s, would it be alright to say “Jack rolled down the window half an inch, a smirk spreading across his face. (author’s POV) The slut would never find her way back without him, and no one would find her until the coyotes had picked her bones clean. (Jack’s POV)”?
In some cases (in my own book) I’ve italicized the character’s POV, but after reading your example, I’m wondering if I haven’t been guilty of head-hopping (if that’s what you’d call it in my example), or if it’s normal to do that.
Thanks!
Shaila
Dec 04, 2013 @ 15:57:47
If you’re sticking to one POV character per chapter, then that’s fine. It’s perfectly acceptable (and usually beneficial) to have more than one POV character per story. What you want to do is make sure you keep the POV consistent within chapters/scenes.
Your example would likely be head-hopping. (It’s difficult to tell without a bigger sample.) In omniscient POV, you need the authorial voice throughout. The one exception is you can start a chapter with a more distant feel (from the author’s perspective) and then zoom in close to the characters, but once you’re in close, you need to stay there.
Hope that helps!
Best online explanations of POV | Robin Mizell: Treated & Released
Feb 25, 2016 @ 21:25:35
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Apr 26, 2016 @ 04:40:35
Personally, Omniscient writing comes naturally to me. I’ve written several stories where I was writing in first person POV and I liked it but something didn’t click. I prefer to read in first person POV, which is why I started writing that way, but I’m glad I switched to omniscient. I found it matches my style perfectly. I’m not trying to go on about myself, I was hoping to encourage everyone to try writing in styles you wouldn’t normally try because you never know! It’s also important to take opinions with a grain of salt, there is a reason there are multiple styles and diverse groups of readers and authors; that being said, respect the writers and editors when they give their opinion because they are our inkwell elders!