Be the Hero of Your Own Life Story
By Marcy Kennedy (@MarcyKennedy)
Those of you who regularly read my blog might have noticed that I disappeared for over a month. That’s because 2015 went out worse than it came in. After driving to the hospital every day for a week to be with my husband, and another week full of follow-up appointments, I was easy-pickings for a Goliath of a cold/flu bug.
I ended 2015 tired—the deep kind of tired that settles into your bones and your soul because it’s only partly physical and mostly emotional.
Since the start of 2015 my family has faced a car accident (the repercussions of which we’re still dealing with nearly a year later), a fractured pelvis, a sinus infection made worse by a previously unknown allergy to the prescribed antibiotic, pneumonia, sick pets, mental illness, and a stroke.
And that’s not even all of it. That’s the abbreviated version.
Boy do I wish I was joking. When I write it out that way, it sounds more like a poor man’s version of Downton Abbey than someone’s actual life. But it is my life.
Although I managed to maintain my regular editing schedule in 2015 and even taught a few classes in the latter half of the year, I only published two books of the five I’d scheduled and my blogging and social media interaction suffered greatly. As in, Facebook and Twitter died on the vine, my blog and newsletter are on life support, and we won’t talk about my email inbox.
All I could think when I sat down to decide on goals and plans for 2016 was “I hope 2016 is better than 2015.”
Unfortunately, the things that knocked me down were also things that were outside of my control. I can’t guarantee this year will be any better or any easier. All I have control over is my reaction to what comes.
So I decided that since my life has gained a frightening resemblance to fiction, I’d figure out how to become the hero of my story. What do I know about writing a good story that can help me weather this weird stage of life?
Heroes Need Allies
Want a slow, boring book? Let your hero spend unhealthy amounts of time alone, thinking. It’s not any smarter to do in life either. The more time we spend alone in our own heads, the more opportunities we give unhealthy thought patterns to grow.
Allies give us someone to discuss our options with. They provide fresh perspectives that we might not have thought of on our own. We grow our view of the world when they disagree with us.
But allies provide more benefits than simply keeping us from becoming the scary person who talks to themselves all the time.
Our allies—our friends—are the ones who watch our backs. Who hold our hands when we’re scared. Who tell us they believe in us, they’re proud of us. Who have skills that make up for our weaknesses. Who say, “I can’t fix this for you, but I can make sure you don’t have to go through it alone.”
And, in return, we have to be their ally when they need it.
No one can do it all alone.
The Cavalry Isn’t Coming
When life goes sideways, it’s easy to wish for someone or something to rescue us. We dream about winning the lottery. We wish for miracle cures. We fantasize that someone will come in and make the best possible decisions for us and take care of all the problems we’d rather not face.
But books where the cavalry sweeps in at the end and solves all the hero’s problems are unsatisfying and unrealistic. The truth is that in life we have a better chance of getting cancer than we do of winning the lottery.
The cavalry isn’t coming.
No one can fix our problems for us, not even our allies. They can help us, but we have to be willing to help ourselves too.
A hero isn’t going to ride in on a white horse to save us because we are the hero. Or, at least, we have the potential to be.
Unless we want our life story to be a tragedy, we have to make choices and act. We have to pull it together and find strength we never knew we had. We have to take responsibility for our lives and for fighting to make them what we want them to be. We have to be brave enough to find joy in the small things even when we’re broken and bleeding and terrified.
We have to keep the faith, keep hoping, and never give up. Ever. It’s the only way we’ll have a chance to win.
Crises Force Growth
Change is hard. The old ways and old patterns are easier and feel safer. Often it takes struggles to bring us to the point where we’re willing and able to change. The hallmark of a satisfying, memorable story is a hero who learns and changes for the better because of the challenges they face.
We could be the anti-hero with the negative character arc, but is that really the way you want your story to end? It’s not what I want for mine.
I want to come out better than I went in. Stronger. Wiser. Kinder. Braver.
I never want to stop growing as a person.
So that’s how I’m heading in to 2016.
How was your 2015? Feel free to share the good and the bad. Have you set goals for the new year?
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Jan 05, 2016 @ 14:49:14
*hugs* Allies stick together, and you’re never alone. I’m here for you. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family!
I got things (lots of things!) done in 2015, but it about killed me. I’m now starting off 2016 behind on every project, and it’s not a good feeling. Here’s hoping this year improves for both of us! 😀
Jan 05, 2016 @ 18:55:36
Thank you 🙂 And I hope you know that I’m here if you need me as well. I never want to be so consumed by my own situation that I can’t be there when someone else needs me.
You had an insanely productive 2015. I hope 2016 allows you to achieve your goals without burning out!
Jan 05, 2016 @ 15:02:15
Taking a step forward when all you want to do is crawl into bed is the hardest challenge we are given. Keeping on going forward even if it’s one baby-step at a time.
Your books on writing have helped me greatly. I recommend them to everyone I talk to and am looking forward to whatever you put out in 2016.
Jan 05, 2016 @ 23:50:46
Thank you so much. It’s such an encouragement to me to hear that writers are enjoying and being helped by my books!
Jan 05, 2016 @ 16:38:13
Wise post, Marcy. I was determined to break out of my comfort zone in 2015, so my watch words were “keep going” whenever things got tough (and even when things went well.) I realized what a chicken I really am. This year I have big plans to build on what I started. I’m trying to use my fear of failure as motivation. So far I’m still in the excitement phase.
Blessings to you and your family and prayers (they do help!) For a happy, healthy 2016.
Jan 05, 2016 @ 23:18:32
Writers in the Storm had a great post recently on choosing the words that will give our year focus. I think “keep going” was a great choice (so good, in fact, that I hope you’ll allow me to borrow it). Those words can bring us through a lot.
And I agree–prayers help immensely 🙂
Jan 05, 2016 @ 16:43:51
((hugs)) I’m sorry you had a crappy year and I’m sorry that I wasn’t even aware of most of it. Don’t be afraid to reach out, even if all you need is a sympathetic shoulder and a listening ear.
Jan 05, 2016 @ 19:03:11
Thanks. Hopefully we can stay in better touch over the coming year.
Jan 05, 2016 @ 16:58:34
Oh, Marcy, I am so very sorry to read about your “crappy year” as Lisa said. Here I thought you were in hiding, finishing up your novel. I am glad to see you are the Hero of Your Own Life Story, and that you said, “We have to keep the faith, keep hoping, and never give up. Ever. It’s the only way we’ll have a chance to win.” This inspired me too. Hugs and God’s Blessing for 2016. 🙂
Jan 05, 2016 @ 19:02:01
I wish I’d been AWOL because I was buried in my projects 🙂 Unfortunately, the time when I would have been writing got eaten by emergencies.
I’m glad this encouraged you–I debated for a long time whether to write anything about it or to just pick up as if I hadn’t been gone. I hope 2016 is the year you’re able to get your lovely baby book out into the world.
Jan 07, 2016 @ 06:16:29
Can 2016 please be a better year? I don’t even want to talk about 2015. And I know how exhausting it was for you my dear friend. The hardest thing about trials that seem to pile one on top of another is you don’t get a chance to catch your breath and rest. So I hope things calm down for you and your family. You’ve had more than your fair share of trauma. ((Hugs)) 🙂
Jan 07, 2016 @ 11:08:17
Ah I’m so sorry to hear it’s been so tough – here’s to the light breaking through the clouds this year. Your attitude is admirable and I really hope it gets easier… I constantly feel like I’m chasing after where I want to be, always on the back foot, feeling out of control – I want to seize the reins back in 2016 & slow it down but still get somewhere.